Thanks everybody for your patience (those of you who have not left for pastures in which the grass grows faster.)
Since I have just spent the last two weeks on vacation, I have little new to report. The Mecca continues to be bilked by consultants who charge copious amounts of money for designing piles of poo. MNB now refuses to even talk to the Sarcastic Brit or I. We have effectively been barred from doing any useful work. In fact, I got in on Friday (first day back from vacation) at 10:00 am, and left at 3:00 pm. I also took an hour for lunch. Nobody noticed or complained. But, I digress. Tonight I want to talk about a Mecca all star. The CFO. This character has since been removed, but it took a long time, and the damage that he did was incalculable.
He would walk around stroking his mustache. I am not sure if he ever understood what he was seeing or asking about, but whenever things got stressful, you could count on the CFO to come out of his office to watch you work and ask dumb questions while stroking the mustache,
Although it has been said that the CFO did not know the difference between a debit or a credit, he was well versed in the fact that giving people money resulted in having less of it. To this end, he was constantly trying to save a few bucks, and refused to pay people any earlier than necessary.
When the Sarcastic Brit first started at the Mecca, he was given the job of trying to sort out the IT situation. This was not easy considering the fact that the entire infrastructure was originally set up by a bunch of guys were were lucky to find the on switch on their computers. Needless to say, his first task was to order a bunch of computer equipment. Since there was no purchasing procedure, he just called up Dell and ordered the computers on his credit card. He then submitted his expense report of $5000 and waited to see the check.
Unfortunately, the check didn't arrive, even after a month. So, the Sarcastic Brit started to inquire as to when he might get his money back. The answer was always soon. Unfortunately, soon never seemed to arrive. The situation was finally resolved by the Sarcastic Brit waking into the CFO's office and sitting down.
What are you doing?
I'm waiting for my money.
I'll sign the check soon.
I've heard that one before.
Well... these things take time.
That's OK, I'll wait.
In here?
Yes.
Don't you have work to do?
Yes, but I want my money, so I am going to sit in here and remind you that you need to write me a check.
Let me see what I can do.
Please do.
In the end, it only took a couple of hours of targeted looming on the part of the Sarcastic Brit before he got his money.
Of course, our suppliers never figured out the trick of sitting in the CFO's office, so they would routinely go unpaid for months at a time. I have to admit that it's really embarrassing to call up a vendor regarding a bunch of parts that you desperately need, only to find out that the reason they haven't been shipped is that your employer is on the infamous "credit hold". The worst part of it is that you start to wonder if you next pay check is on the list of payments that "can wait".
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Hijacked Pt. 2
Those of you who know Harbinger, know he is concerned that this blog be both public and yet secure, as if that's possible but what do I know I'm only the 800 pound gorilla in the room.
Anyways I've taken the liberty of changing a couple of words on his behalf. I'm sure he'll understand after all people are always tampering with his work.
Anyways I've taken the liberty of changing a couple of words on his behalf. I'm sure he'll understand after all people are always tampering with his work.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Garfield
Greetings patient readers.
Since this is Friday, I will keep the post short. It seems that Jaba has been trying to hire himself some competent people. So... he hired an intern. That seems to be a term they use here in Silicon Valley for somebody with a degree (who may even be competent), but no work experience, and hence should expect to be treated like crap. Anyway, they hired this intern and immediately placed her under the tender loving care of the Chihuahua. Please check previous posts if you forget. (I only wish that I could.)
The intern seems kind of cat-like to me. She has the same all knowing, self assured attitude of a cat that is quizzically watching you as you do something stupid. Looking at you as if to say "What are you thinking? You know that I could do better, if I could be bothered". Needless to say, Garfield immediately gravitated toward the Sarcastic Brit, and uses his office to hide from her "boss".
This is a typical discussion:
Of course, I'm not so sure about this one. Garfield has another job offer. When she went to Jaba to see what he would do to try to match it, he offered her a chance to work more closely with the Sarcastic Brit and I. Apparently, we are being used as bait. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I told Garfield not to fall for it... run while you can. She was at work today.
P.T. Barnum wins another round.
Since this is Friday, I will keep the post short. It seems that Jaba has been trying to hire himself some competent people. So... he hired an intern. That seems to be a term they use here in Silicon Valley for somebody with a degree (who may even be competent), but no work experience, and hence should expect to be treated like crap. Anyway, they hired this intern and immediately placed her under the tender loving care of the Chihuahua. Please check previous posts if you forget. (I only wish that I could.)
The intern seems kind of cat-like to me. She has the same all knowing, self assured attitude of a cat that is quizzically watching you as you do something stupid. Looking at you as if to say "What are you thinking? You know that I could do better, if I could be bothered". Needless to say, Garfield immediately gravitated toward the Sarcastic Brit, and uses his office to hide from her "boss".
This is a typical discussion:
Harbinger: Why do your co-workers ask me to fix things that are not broken?
Garfield: Because they have no clue. They are biologists, after all.
Harbinger: Biologist is not synonymous with incompetent.
Garfield: Really?
Harbinger: One of my friends is a "biologist". His hobby is building torsion catapults that hurl ten pound pumpkins the better part of a mile.
Garfield: That's nice. He obviously doesn't work at the Mecca.
P.T. Barnum wins another round.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
OSHA 12
Good evening. It seems that even at the Biotech Mecca, history repeats itself. This is the sequel to OSHA 11. It seems that despite the new location, old habits die hard.
The local fire department was in doing our inspections for various safety issues. This is a good thing, I suppose, except that they keep finding chemicals that are not properly stored, and paperwork that isn't properly done.
Somehow, Jaba managed to get talked into being the safety officer for the company, so he gets to deal with the fire department. I believe that the conversation went something like this.
Safety inspector: You don't have your permit for handling biological waste yet. You can't legally handle most of the chemicals that you are using until you get your license.
Jaba: How long does it take to get a license?
Safety inspector: 90 days.
Jaba: Is it faster to transfer the license from the old facility to this location?
Safety inspector: Why yes it is. Unfortunately, you never bothered to get a license at the old facility.
It seems that permits are not the only place that the Mecca is trying to skimp these days. It would also seem that we are testing the rules on squatter's rights in the state of California.
It would seem that nobody bothered to allocate space for instrument manufacture. Added to this was the fact that the engineering lab in the new facility is about half the size of the space in the old facility and you have problems. How do you overcome such a lack of planning:
1) You fire enough engineers so that everybody can occupy the smaller space
2) You send the used car salesman in to negotiate a lease on more of the building.
--He tells the landlord that the company will lease more space in his vacant building
--The Landlord lets you move in since the space is free anyway and you obviously need the room right now.
--You move your stuff in and then tell the landlord that you are planning on paying him in stock.
--You don't mention that the company is basically out of money and that the share price tanks every day.
--You refuse to sign the lease.
--You don't bother to move your stuff out of the lab.
Presto, you have just increased your floor space by 50% without it costing a dime. Great work. I wonder if the landlord tenant rules for evictions apply to commercial real estate.
Of course, I would expect no less of a company where the directory of finance says things like "Oh, we will pay our vendors. Just, not right now."
The local fire department was in doing our inspections for various safety issues. This is a good thing, I suppose, except that they keep finding chemicals that are not properly stored, and paperwork that isn't properly done.
Somehow, Jaba managed to get talked into being the safety officer for the company, so he gets to deal with the fire department. I believe that the conversation went something like this.
Safety inspector: You don't have your permit for handling biological waste yet. You can't legally handle most of the chemicals that you are using until you get your license.
Jaba: How long does it take to get a license?
Safety inspector: 90 days.
Jaba: Is it faster to transfer the license from the old facility to this location?
Safety inspector: Why yes it is. Unfortunately, you never bothered to get a license at the old facility.
It seems that permits are not the only place that the Mecca is trying to skimp these days. It would also seem that we are testing the rules on squatter's rights in the state of California.
It would seem that nobody bothered to allocate space for instrument manufacture. Added to this was the fact that the engineering lab in the new facility is about half the size of the space in the old facility and you have problems. How do you overcome such a lack of planning:
1) You fire enough engineers so that everybody can occupy the smaller space
2) You send the used car salesman in to negotiate a lease on more of the building.
--He tells the landlord that the company will lease more space in his vacant building
--The Landlord lets you move in since the space is free anyway and you obviously need the room right now.
--You move your stuff in and then tell the landlord that you are planning on paying him in stock.
--You don't mention that the company is basically out of money and that the share price tanks every day.
--You refuse to sign the lease.
--You don't bother to move your stuff out of the lab.
Presto, you have just increased your floor space by 50% without it costing a dime. Great work. I wonder if the landlord tenant rules for evictions apply to commercial real estate.
Of course, I would expect no less of a company where the directory of finance says things like "Oh, we will pay our vendors. Just, not right now."
Saturday, May 22, 2010
The Good Old Days
I may have mentioned in my last post that we are running out of money. At least that's what our SEC posting proclaimed.
It's no problem though, we just won't pay our vendors. Remember the nice new building that we moved into? We never paid the construction company that renovated the building for us. They sent the used car salesman a nasty letter wanting payment. His response was something like this:
We are currently broke, but we are trying to raise more money. We can't pay you until we do. Don't worry though, this happens a couple of times each year and we always manage to find more suckers.
The construction company sent a very nice response. In summary:
Not our problem. You signed a contract. Pay up. By the way, we are putting a lien on your assets. Have a nice day.
This is very much like the old days with the petty thief CFO. We still haven't recovered from the damage he did to our reputation.
But alas... I got paid yesterday, so they have earned my attendance for another half month.
It's no problem though, we just won't pay our vendors. Remember the nice new building that we moved into? We never paid the construction company that renovated the building for us. They sent the used car salesman a nasty letter wanting payment. His response was something like this:
We are currently broke, but we are trying to raise more money. We can't pay you until we do. Don't worry though, this happens a couple of times each year and we always manage to find more suckers.
The construction company sent a very nice response. In summary:
Not our problem. You signed a contract. Pay up. By the way, we are putting a lien on your assets. Have a nice day.
This is very much like the old days with the petty thief CFO. We still haven't recovered from the damage he did to our reputation.
But alas... I got paid yesterday, so they have earned my attendance for another half month.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
What a stupid place to put an iceberg
So... remember the lifeboat drill? Turns out that it may be more than a drill.
When Swiper was talking about the "reorganization" of the company, he said that he hoped we would raise more funds by the end of the month so that we could move on without distractions.
So... it turns out that there is another reason for getting the fund raising finished by the end of the month - The Mecca is out of dough.
The Sarcastic Brit sent me a link to an article in one of the online biotech trade rags. It turns out that they look at the SEC filings. It also turns out that the SEC filings say that the Mecca will be out of money next month.
I'm not surprised. I am, however a little bit embarrassed because
a) I found from an article a trade rag
b) My wife had already figured it out and wasn't at all shocked or surprised.
The question is - what to do now? Maybe they will raise more money. Then again, when the music stops next time, I could find that the person without the chair is me.
It would seem that once again, the Mecca has applied their most tried and true method of managing the budget: Keep buying stuff but ignore the avalanche of invoices. Unfortunately, people start to get wise to this behavior after a few years. Some people are even quicker, and stop sending you stuff after you screw them only once or twice. Of course, it's really hard to convince the investors that you can sell machines when your vendors won't ship the parts to you because you are a bunch of dishonest weasels who don't pay the bills, but that's just my humble opinion.
Strangely enough, I got a call from a head hunter today. Apparently, there is a company down the road from the Mecca that is in need of the better part of an engineering team. Apparently, they need a VP of engineering, as well as three or four engineers. Strange, but it sounds like MNB's old company. Maybe I should apply.
For now, things continue full steam ahead at the Mecca. Do not board the lifeboats. She's unsinkable. Besides, icebergs and water are really the same stuff... right?
When Swiper was talking about the "reorganization" of the company, he said that he hoped we would raise more funds by the end of the month so that we could move on without distractions.
So... it turns out that there is another reason for getting the fund raising finished by the end of the month - The Mecca is out of dough.
The Sarcastic Brit sent me a link to an article in one of the online biotech trade rags. It turns out that they look at the SEC filings. It also turns out that the SEC filings say that the Mecca will be out of money next month.
I'm not surprised. I am, however a little bit embarrassed because
a) I found from an article a trade rag
b) My wife had already figured it out and wasn't at all shocked or surprised.
The question is - what to do now? Maybe they will raise more money. Then again, when the music stops next time, I could find that the person without the chair is me.
It would seem that once again, the Mecca has applied their most tried and true method of managing the budget: Keep buying stuff but ignore the avalanche of invoices. Unfortunately, people start to get wise to this behavior after a few years. Some people are even quicker, and stop sending you stuff after you screw them only once or twice. Of course, it's really hard to convince the investors that you can sell machines when your vendors won't ship the parts to you because you are a bunch of dishonest weasels who don't pay the bills, but that's just my humble opinion.
Strangely enough, I got a call from a head hunter today. Apparently, there is a company down the road from the Mecca that is in need of the better part of an engineering team. Apparently, they need a VP of engineering, as well as three or four engineers. Strange, but it sounds like MNB's old company. Maybe I should apply.
For now, things continue full steam ahead at the Mecca. Do not board the lifeboats. She's unsinkable. Besides, icebergs and water are really the same stuff... right?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Lifeboat Drill
A couple of weeks ago, the Sarcastic Brit was talking to MNB, who asked him if he knew what a "lifeboat drill" was.
The Sarcastic Brit replied "I assume it's where you decide who gets to live and who drowns".
It was a strange conversation, but it made a bit more sense today.
The Mecca has this product - StupidProduct, where they sell the instrument for modest profit, and then sell consumables for $50. Unfortunately, the consumables cost $150 to make. No worries... we'll make it up on volume.
Anyway, the management at the Mecca have been trying to find a sucker... I mean buyer for this product line. Needless to say, they couldn't find somebody with a sufficient lack of common sense. So, we just kept making more of them.
Today, they announced that we would be focusing on our core product line. I have heard that announcement several times over the last year. This time however, they also announced that they were going to lay people off. Strangely enough, the only layoffs were in Engineering. It seems that MNB took the opportunity to rid himself of two engineers. Apparently, MNB really was deciding who to throw overboard. Oddly enough, I believe that with the exception of the CEO, these two engineers were the longest standing employees of the company.
I will admit that the first candidate for the sharks is a guy best known as The Sleeper. He used to sleep in his cubicle, which would be fine, except that his snoring was very disruptive. The Sarcastic Brit used to call him in order to wake him up. He was glacial at getting things done. He used to take a chair outside for his smoke breaks. He was known for never finishing ANYTHING, let alone being on time. I only worked with him on one project. I was the project manager and he was the design engineer. We got the project done on schedule. I think that it was the first project completed successfully and on schedule at the Mecca. My secret: I treated him like a human being. Apparently, that actually works. I'd better not tell MNB though, as he will likely fire me for heresy.
The other guy was what the Mad Man from Down South called "the old practical guy" (OPG). Turns out that OPG is actually a pretty decent electrical engineer, and the only guy at the Mecca who was proficient at designing circuit boards. He was actually the only practicing electrical engineer. (The Sarcastic Brit has a degree in electrical engineering but won't own up to it, as it's much more fun to change hats each week... mechanical engineer... biochemist... industrial designer...) I'm not totally sure why OPG was sacked, but I suspect that it was because MNB has somebody with the same skill set that he wants to bring in from his former company. Of course, I get the joyous task of cleaning out OPG's cubicle. Pallbearer duty... Lovely. Bring out your dead!
At the meeting, somebody made the mistake of asking how the fund raising was going. Swiper replied that we were able to raise money last year when there was none to be had, so of course we would have no problem raising more capital this year. Apparently, there are lots of interested investors. (But have any of them actually committed money?) All we have to do is stick to the company's deliverables and meet them.
At this point the foolish employee (who happens to be the reagent manufacturing lead) replied that she has seen no such list of goals and would very much love to see them. Wow... she's new at the Mecca, and it shows. I don't know where she worked before, but it sounds like a real company. Can we all go and work for them instead?
What does all of this mean? Here is my best guess:
1) The ship is sinking.
2) Throwing people overboard will lighten the ship and slow its decent into the abyss. The fact that those people would probably be more useful helping to plug the hole is irrelevant.
3) The ship will keep sinking. More bodies will be needed to go over the edge.
The only think I haven't figured out yet is whether it is going to be me or the Sarcastic Brit who goes next. Of course, the Sarcastic Brit has been there longer than me. Maybe it's first in, first out. We shall see.
In the meantime, I think that it's time to start looking a bit harder for that life jacket.
The Sarcastic Brit replied "I assume it's where you decide who gets to live and who drowns".
It was a strange conversation, but it made a bit more sense today.
The Mecca has this product - StupidProduct, where they sell the instrument for modest profit, and then sell consumables for $50. Unfortunately, the consumables cost $150 to make. No worries... we'll make it up on volume.
Anyway, the management at the Mecca have been trying to find a sucker... I mean buyer for this product line. Needless to say, they couldn't find somebody with a sufficient lack of common sense. So, we just kept making more of them.
Today, they announced that we would be focusing on our core product line. I have heard that announcement several times over the last year. This time however, they also announced that they were going to lay people off. Strangely enough, the only layoffs were in Engineering. It seems that MNB took the opportunity to rid himself of two engineers. Apparently, MNB really was deciding who to throw overboard. Oddly enough, I believe that with the exception of the CEO, these two engineers were the longest standing employees of the company.
I will admit that the first candidate for the sharks is a guy best known as The Sleeper. He used to sleep in his cubicle, which would be fine, except that his snoring was very disruptive. The Sarcastic Brit used to call him in order to wake him up. He was glacial at getting things done. He used to take a chair outside for his smoke breaks. He was known for never finishing ANYTHING, let alone being on time. I only worked with him on one project. I was the project manager and he was the design engineer. We got the project done on schedule. I think that it was the first project completed successfully and on schedule at the Mecca. My secret: I treated him like a human being. Apparently, that actually works. I'd better not tell MNB though, as he will likely fire me for heresy.
The other guy was what the Mad Man from Down South called "the old practical guy" (OPG). Turns out that OPG is actually a pretty decent electrical engineer, and the only guy at the Mecca who was proficient at designing circuit boards. He was actually the only practicing electrical engineer. (The Sarcastic Brit has a degree in electrical engineering but won't own up to it, as it's much more fun to change hats each week... mechanical engineer... biochemist... industrial designer...) I'm not totally sure why OPG was sacked, but I suspect that it was because MNB has somebody with the same skill set that he wants to bring in from his former company. Of course, I get the joyous task of cleaning out OPG's cubicle. Pallbearer duty... Lovely. Bring out your dead!
At the meeting, somebody made the mistake of asking how the fund raising was going. Swiper replied that we were able to raise money last year when there was none to be had, so of course we would have no problem raising more capital this year. Apparently, there are lots of interested investors. (But have any of them actually committed money?) All we have to do is stick to the company's deliverables and meet them.
At this point the foolish employee (who happens to be the reagent manufacturing lead) replied that she has seen no such list of goals and would very much love to see them. Wow... she's new at the Mecca, and it shows. I don't know where she worked before, but it sounds like a real company. Can we all go and work for them instead?
What does all of this mean? Here is my best guess:
1) The ship is sinking.
2) Throwing people overboard will lighten the ship and slow its decent into the abyss. The fact that those people would probably be more useful helping to plug the hole is irrelevant.
3) The ship will keep sinking. More bodies will be needed to go over the edge.
The only think I haven't figured out yet is whether it is going to be me or the Sarcastic Brit who goes next. Of course, the Sarcastic Brit has been there longer than me. Maybe it's first in, first out. We shall see.
In the meantime, I think that it's time to start looking a bit harder for that life jacket.
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