Merry Christmas everybody. Note my use of the actual name of the Christian holiday that is indeed celebrated on December 25. It seems that the word isn't used much anymore, for fear that it may offend. At the Mecca, it seems that not mentioning Christmas is about the only inoffensive thing happening.
I do have some news to report. Both good and bad, I guess.
The good news is: Swiper found some more suckers. We will be in business for a while longer.
The bad news: Swiper found some more suckers, and I will have to put up with MNB for a while longer - until I quit, or he fires me.
Despite a supposed hiring freeze, MNB has taken charge and made many several staffing changes. He left it to the Sarcastic Brit and I to serve notices to the Hyena and Mr. Smarmy. Both are capable, efficient, and easy to work with. Definitely not a good fit for the Mecca. Mr. Smarmy has already left. He seemed relieved to be rid of the insanity. I am actually a bit jealous. The Hyena finishes out his contract at the Mecca on Monday. Of course, his part of the project isn't finished, so somebody else will have to pick it up. No problem. I've always been told it's good engineering practice to lay off one of the key engineers before the project is finished.
Also gone are Princess Amidala, and the Vacuum Cleaner Guy. He was almost MNB (my new boss), but he lost the game of survivor, and was voted off the island. They were both friendly and reasonably capable. Therefore, they must be eliminated.
Flyboy has managed to survive thus far, although he is being severely marginalized. Jar Jar, on the other hand, is on vacation for a month, but will most certainly return to perpetrate more crimes against humanity.
As for the replacements, they are what you would probably expect. The first replacement is The Toad. He comes in to work at 6:00 am, and feels that this makes him a superior example of a human being. I get in to work at about nine (who am I kidding - it's usually closer to ten), and feel that this makes me a person who has some semblance of a life.
Of course, the Toad thinks that MNB is the best guy ever, and has followed him from job to job for over ten years. Perhaps that's loyalty. Perhaps it is because the guy is creepy and has the charisma of a fence post, making him unable to get through a even first job interview. He has been billed as many things by MNB, who takes every opportunity to tell us that the original engineering team is incompetent, obstructionist, lazy, and dumb. The Toad seems to have three hobbies (that he has talked about anyway) - making ammunition, drinking in the pub, and finding ways to cause trouble for his coworkers. He routinely tells me that all of the optics shouldn't work. Apparently, he took a course on mounting optics, and that entitles him to make stupid comments on how the optical system works. It would seem that the fact that optics perform well and have never suffered shipping damage is irrelevant. I have patiently explained to him why the design works, but it isn't written in his textbook, so it must be wrong. Nothing annoys me more than people who are UNWILLING to apply their brains to think about a problem.
I don't have much to say about the second new hire. The guy has worked at the Mecca for about four weeks, and is averaging about one word a week. I tried to engage him in a conversation once. It was a big mistake. I have had conversations with walls that were less one sided. Apparently, I do not rank high enough to even be acknowledged as mud on the bottom of his shoe.
The third new hire starts in January. Nobody has even interviewed this guy, who is supposed to be doing integration between the hardware and biology parts of the system. Why then, have none of the engineers (except for probably the Toad, or the Great Wall) met this guy? Why have none of the Biologists (including Jaba) met this guy? Apparently, he is another hanger on who follows MNB from company to company, like a vulture seeking out a new carcass.
Welcome to the new world order.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Where do they find these guys?
First of all, I want to apologize for not writing much lately. Things have been very busy at the mecca, what with all of the time that MNB has spent telling the Sarcastic Brit and I that we are useless.
Truths about the new world order
1) Engineering work that has been done previously does not count.
MNB: I am redesigning the sample holder to add reference holes
Harbinger: We did a holder like that a while ago, so that we could make a large holder that was injection molded together. We aren't using it, but we learned some things.
MNB: I don't care.
Harbinger: Isn't it foolish to discount the work that the engineering team has done to date.
MNB: I have been designing these things for eight years, and I know what I'm doing.
Harbinger: Here is the one that I designed a year ago.
MNB: But this is way too expensive. Why would you do it like this?
Harbinger: To solve a bunch of problems that no longer exist. But there is information to be learned from it. The machine tolerances won't change, since it was made by the same vendor.
MNB: I don't care. I have dimensioned the drawing differently. That will change the machine tolerances.
Harbinger: No, actually you haven't. This one is referenced to the holes, just like yours. Besides, you can write whatever you want, it doesn't change the way the machine works.
MNB: I know what I am doing. What you did before does not matter.
Harbinger: If you say so. Have a nice day.
MNB: Can I keep this sample?
Harbinger: Be my guest. (Of course you just told me that it is irrelevant, so why do you want it?)
2) You can only be good at one thing.
MNB: Sarcastic Brit, you need to step up to the plate and be a better electrical engineer.
Sarcastic Brit: I'm not an electrical engineer.
MNB: But you have a bachelor's in electrical engineering.
Sarcastic Brit: And a PhD in Biomedical Engineering. I haven't done electrical engineering since I finished my undergrad.
MNB: But you know how to lay out a board.
Sarcastic Brit: In theory yes, but I have never even worked as an electrical engineer.
MNB: So you are a jack of all trades. You don't want to be a jack of all trades.
Sarcastic Brit: Actually, I do.
3) Loyalty is not earned
Hyena: I always tell new bosses this: I am a contractor and I am here until you don't need me any more.
MNB: That's right. Your loyalty is to me, and NOT the Sarcastic Brit. You need to understand that.
Hyena: My contract expires in two weeks. Are you going to renew it or not?
MNB: I don't know yet. Maybe I will know next week. By the way... the Toad told me that you used the wrong kind of bolt on the prototype. You worked at BMW - surely they taught you better than that.
4) The best way to get rid of an engineering team is to hire a toady who spies on your other employees, and then tattles on them for everything you can think of.
I have not quit yet. I must admit that after everything that has gone on thus far, I probably should just do it. Just when I was starting to think that things couldn't get worse.
Truths about the new world order
1) Engineering work that has been done previously does not count.
MNB: I am redesigning the sample holder to add reference holes
Harbinger: We did a holder like that a while ago, so that we could make a large holder that was injection molded together. We aren't using it, but we learned some things.
MNB: I don't care.
Harbinger: Isn't it foolish to discount the work that the engineering team has done to date.
MNB: I have been designing these things for eight years, and I know what I'm doing.
Harbinger: Here is the one that I designed a year ago.
MNB: But this is way too expensive. Why would you do it like this?
Harbinger: To solve a bunch of problems that no longer exist. But there is information to be learned from it. The machine tolerances won't change, since it was made by the same vendor.
MNB: I don't care. I have dimensioned the drawing differently. That will change the machine tolerances.
Harbinger: No, actually you haven't. This one is referenced to the holes, just like yours. Besides, you can write whatever you want, it doesn't change the way the machine works.
MNB: I know what I am doing. What you did before does not matter.
Harbinger: If you say so. Have a nice day.
MNB: Can I keep this sample?
Harbinger: Be my guest. (Of course you just told me that it is irrelevant, so why do you want it?)
2) You can only be good at one thing.
MNB: Sarcastic Brit, you need to step up to the plate and be a better electrical engineer.
Sarcastic Brit: I'm not an electrical engineer.
MNB: But you have a bachelor's in electrical engineering.
Sarcastic Brit: And a PhD in Biomedical Engineering. I haven't done electrical engineering since I finished my undergrad.
MNB: But you know how to lay out a board.
Sarcastic Brit: In theory yes, but I have never even worked as an electrical engineer.
MNB: So you are a jack of all trades. You don't want to be a jack of all trades.
Sarcastic Brit: Actually, I do.
3) Loyalty is not earned
Hyena: I always tell new bosses this: I am a contractor and I am here until you don't need me any more.
MNB: That's right. Your loyalty is to me, and NOT the Sarcastic Brit. You need to understand that.
Hyena: My contract expires in two weeks. Are you going to renew it or not?
MNB: I don't know yet. Maybe I will know next week. By the way... the Toad told me that you used the wrong kind of bolt on the prototype. You worked at BMW - surely they taught you better than that.
4) The best way to get rid of an engineering team is to hire a toady who spies on your other employees, and then tattles on them for everything you can think of.
I have not quit yet. I must admit that after everything that has gone on thus far, I probably should just do it. Just when I was starting to think that things couldn't get worse.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
If it's too good to be true...
Ahh... back to Captain Fantastic. This one is by request. I'm sure that there are better Captain Fantastic stories, but this one is easy to tell, although I am sad to admit does not involve him threatening to punch anybody in the mouth for calling him a liar.
Imagine that you want to create a dish composed of several thousand smaller dishes. This is what we were trying to do at the mecca. The idea is to put one sample into each of these holes do a bunch of chemical reactions in each of the holes and then see which samples glow when you shine light on them. It sounds easy, right? However, when you have many thousands of holes, and each one is less than 1/2mm in diameter, it becomes somewhat trickier.
Captain Fantastic had the perfect solution. There is this process by which you fill a pan with goo that polymerizes when you shine light on it. If you put a very thin layer of goo into the pan, and then shine the light through a mask, you can make a very nice pattern of holes in a thin sheet of plastic. If you cover the top of that piece of plastic with a thin layer of goo and do it again, you get a thicker sheet of plastic with holes in it. If you do it thousands of times, and then glue a bottom on it, you get the sample holder. No problem. Right?
Captain Fantastic had EVERYBODY at the Mecca sold on this great technology. Of course, he hadn't actually tested it. Like many great ideas, it looked better on paper than it did in reality. Somehow, the Sarcastic Brit, the Mad Man from Down South, and I didn't believe that it would be that easy. In fact, we were so sure that it wouldn't be that we set up a horse race outside of the Brit's cubicle. On his wall we pinned up pictures of horses where each one represented one of the techniques for making the sample holder. We scribbled the names of each technique at the bottom of the picture and started them all out together. Every time we got promising results from a technique, that horse was moved to the front. Every time we reached a setback, that horse was moved back in the race.
Captain Fantastic put his horse out front. It would work. It was perfect. The first thing we noticed was that the material glowed more brightly than the sample. This isn't surprising... the material polymerizes when you shine light on it. Of course it's photo-reactive. Captain Fantastic had ways of dealing with it (although he never disclosed them to the rest of us, or even demonstrated that these ideas were more viable than "paying off the Pixies to prevent them from making the crap glow")
We moved his horse back a bit. He moved it back out front. After all, it was only a minor setback.
Next, imagine cutting a hole in a bunch of sheets of plastic, layering them up and then pouring water down the hole. You will quickly have a puddle on the table, as the water runs between the sheets. If the sheets are really thin... it gives you more places for them to leak.
Back with the horse. Of course, Captain Fantastic moved it forward again. This was also only a minor setback. We would coat the plastic with a thin layer of metal. That would seal the layers together and keep the material dark, so it wouldn't react to the light or the sample.
One problem: Most metals will also react with the sample.
No problem, we will just cover the metal with another layer of plastic. Really? This is starting to become pretty complicated. Did I mention that the material needs to be thermally conductive as well? Seems like we can't cover that problem up (either literally or figuratively).
Despite these setbacks, Captain Fantastic kept insisting that this stuff would work. Even after months of samples, and not a single successful experiment, he would not relent. We went so far as to turn his horse upside down and write R.I.P. on it. Undeterred, he would flip the horse over and put it at the finish line. It was finished alright... I believe that the correct expression is "beating a dead horse".
The strangest thing is that even six months after it was generally accepted that Captain Fantastic was delusional, and had been sacked for as much, Swiper was asking the Sarcastic Brit when we would be ready to start producing these wonderful photo-polymerized sample holders.
Perhaps he never got the memo.
Imagine that you want to create a dish composed of several thousand smaller dishes. This is what we were trying to do at the mecca. The idea is to put one sample into each of these holes do a bunch of chemical reactions in each of the holes and then see which samples glow when you shine light on them. It sounds easy, right? However, when you have many thousands of holes, and each one is less than 1/2mm in diameter, it becomes somewhat trickier.
Captain Fantastic had the perfect solution. There is this process by which you fill a pan with goo that polymerizes when you shine light on it. If you put a very thin layer of goo into the pan, and then shine the light through a mask, you can make a very nice pattern of holes in a thin sheet of plastic. If you cover the top of that piece of plastic with a thin layer of goo and do it again, you get a thicker sheet of plastic with holes in it. If you do it thousands of times, and then glue a bottom on it, you get the sample holder. No problem. Right?
Captain Fantastic had EVERYBODY at the Mecca sold on this great technology. Of course, he hadn't actually tested it. Like many great ideas, it looked better on paper than it did in reality. Somehow, the Sarcastic Brit, the Mad Man from Down South, and I didn't believe that it would be that easy. In fact, we were so sure that it wouldn't be that we set up a horse race outside of the Brit's cubicle. On his wall we pinned up pictures of horses where each one represented one of the techniques for making the sample holder. We scribbled the names of each technique at the bottom of the picture and started them all out together. Every time we got promising results from a technique, that horse was moved to the front. Every time we reached a setback, that horse was moved back in the race.
Captain Fantastic put his horse out front. It would work. It was perfect. The first thing we noticed was that the material glowed more brightly than the sample. This isn't surprising... the material polymerizes when you shine light on it. Of course it's photo-reactive. Captain Fantastic had ways of dealing with it (although he never disclosed them to the rest of us, or even demonstrated that these ideas were more viable than "paying off the Pixies to prevent them from making the crap glow")
We moved his horse back a bit. He moved it back out front. After all, it was only a minor setback.
Next, imagine cutting a hole in a bunch of sheets of plastic, layering them up and then pouring water down the hole. You will quickly have a puddle on the table, as the water runs between the sheets. If the sheets are really thin... it gives you more places for them to leak.
Back with the horse. Of course, Captain Fantastic moved it forward again. This was also only a minor setback. We would coat the plastic with a thin layer of metal. That would seal the layers together and keep the material dark, so it wouldn't react to the light or the sample.
One problem: Most metals will also react with the sample.
No problem, we will just cover the metal with another layer of plastic. Really? This is starting to become pretty complicated. Did I mention that the material needs to be thermally conductive as well? Seems like we can't cover that problem up (either literally or figuratively).
Despite these setbacks, Captain Fantastic kept insisting that this stuff would work. Even after months of samples, and not a single successful experiment, he would not relent. We went so far as to turn his horse upside down and write R.I.P. on it. Undeterred, he would flip the horse over and put it at the finish line. It was finished alright... I believe that the correct expression is "beating a dead horse".
The strangest thing is that even six months after it was generally accepted that Captain Fantastic was delusional, and had been sacked for as much, Swiper was asking the Sarcastic Brit when we would be ready to start producing these wonderful photo-polymerized sample holders.
Perhaps he never got the memo.
Friday, December 4, 2009
I wish that Scott Adams would stop spying on me!
I had my weekly one on one with MNB yesterday. It was revealing. I will admit that I haven't been discreet regarding my disgruntlement. The conversation went something like this:
MNB: You seem to be very high strung.
Harbinger: No, I'm just crazy after working in a mad house for two years.
MNB: How many jobs have you held?
Harbinger: It depends on how you count the mergers and acquisitions. Let's call it four or so companies.
MNB: So, you've been around. Have you ever been fired?
Harbinger: No. I have always left by my choice.
MNB: You know it's not so bad. The first time I was fired from a job, I had six months to stay home. I built a deck and had a great time with my kids.
Harbinger: I'm happy for you. (Thinking: PLEASE FIRE ME. JUST GIVE ME A PACKAGE!)
MNB: Any other complaints?
Harbinger: I make less money than I did when I started two years ago, and nobody has any appreciation for anything the engineering team has accomplished despite the horrible management.
MNB: Less money? Haven't you gotten a raise or bonus?
Harbinger: No.
MNB: What about yearly performance reviews?
Harbinger: What's a performance review?
MNB: Oh.
Of course, I sent the following email to EWA today. I'm not sure if he will appreciate it or not, but I figured that at least it be enjoyable to imagine his reaction.
EWA,
I didn't get a chance to say hello last time you were in. It seems like they are keeping you away from the engineers. That's probably a good thing...
Jaba asked me how I felt about Slimy Indian Barbapapa's leaving today. My response was "cheated". Looks like I won't be getting his dog tags... which is sad, as I also hear that he has been trying to get rid of me. Of course, I should probably be more worried about my new boss asking me if I have ever been fired before, and extolling the virtues of getting the axe.
That having been said... do you know anybody who's looking for somebody with my skill set? A quick census of the engineering team reveals that at least six members of the engineering team are talking about seeking new employment, if not actually doing it. So... if you know anybody who needs an entire engineering team, that could probably be accommodated too.
In any case, The Sarcastic Brit mentioned that you would probably stop by once we are in the new facility. I would love it if you dropped by to say hello, unless I'm reveling in the freedom of unemployment. The strange thing is that I am not upset about being fired (I think that I would count it as a favor). It's more the fact that I am outraged that they believe that The Sarcastic Brit and I can be replaced by a manufacturing technician.
Hope you're having a great weekend!
Cheers,
The Harbinger of Doom
Perhaps it was a bit over the top... but what can they do? Fire me?
In other news... Slimy Indian Barbapapa finished his last day at the Mecca today. His supporters went out for lunch with him. They had cake in the afternoon. I was conveniently absent. I showed up after the cake to check on a package that I was supposed to receive today. It hadn't arrived. I ran into the Sarcastic Brit. The conversation went like this:
Sarcastic Brit: What are you doing here? I thought you left on account of your wife's birthday.
Harbinger: Yeah, but I came back to say goodbye to Slimy Indian Barbapapa.
Sarcastic Brit: (raises eyebrow) Really?
Harbinger: Yeah, and to tell him of my hope that there is a special place in hell for lying, backstabbing ba$ta%@s like him.
Sarcastic Brit: I see. Have fun.
In all, it was pretty much a normal day at the Mecca.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
EWA: 0 - PT Barnum: 2
I will get back to the Marvelous CTO. Tonight, I want to tell you about the latest addition to the Mecca's illustrious management team.
I remember a conversation with EWA (Evil Wall Street Analyst) quite some time ago, in which he told me that the Mecca was going to hire a new VP of Engineering for the Mecca that was so good "he was going to make me cream". MNB (My New Boss aka the new VP of Engineering) started last week, and let me tell you, my dreams have been anything but wet, unless you count perspiration.
First, MNB told me that we should not be buying our sample holder from a vendor in the far east. It took the Mad Man from Down South (the former VP of engineering) nearly six months to find one vendor that could actually make the things and sell them to us for an acceptable price. Of course MNB knows better and claimed that he had a shop in Silicon Valley that could do it better - and for as cheap. Having already talked to some of my own local vendors about it, I figured that if we were willing to pay about 40 times as much money, we could get them made locally. MNB told me that he knew better. Funny, he refused to show me the samples from his guy. I heard one of the other engineers refer to them as "scrap". No wet dreams yet.
Next, he told us that he would put a stop to the foolishness that is the Mecca's product build projections. No more changing requirements. Of course, we are now ordering parts for two variants of the system, in a yet to be determined quantity somewhere between 2 and 10. No problems. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he told us that we had to comb a 300 part bill of materials and make sure that all of the parts were correct. We had a day. Of course we couldn't let anything else we were doing slip. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he brought in his sidekick for two interviews. I was forced to show him the guts of our stuff. I suspect that he didn't have a non-disclosure agreement. It's ok though, because the guy works for MNB's old company, which is one of our competitors. And, there are no open positions at the Mecca, so even the HR person doesn't know why this guy is being interviewed. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he sent his CSA/UL/CE compliance consultant in to talk to us about getting safety certifications on the instrument. The consultant was actually good. I was impressed. Not creaming, but impressed. The consulant came back for a second look a week later. I was surprised by his speedy return since nothing had changed, and mentioned this to the consultant. The consultant confessed that MNB had asked him to come back to make sure that I understood simple things like the table of vent hole sizes, and to make sure that all of the wires are UL listed. Apparently, MNB thinks that I am either a sabateur, or really stupid. I asked him which it was. He told me that it was all a misunderstanding. Apparently, I misunderstood that he is a billigerent bully who is afraid of half of his engineering team. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he took the Sarcastic Brit out back and beat him for a paying too much for a part that our former boss (Mr. Ineffectual) had approved because we were told that getting the part quickly was more important than getting it cheaply. Apparently he wants to punish people for things that happened before he showed up. No wet dreams yet.
I guess that it doesn't help that I had the guy pegged as a biligerent bully from the moment I met him. Unfortunately my intuition seems to be too correct for comfort. No wet dreams yet.
The Fearful COO told us that he has experience "cleaning up" engineering teams with problems. Apparently, they have told MNB that the engineering team is problematic. I asked her if he cleaned up these teams by firing everybody. She informed me that she had looked into this, and he had not fired anybody. I am beginning to understand now. He didn't have to fire them. At the rate he's going, at least half of the engineering team will be gone before the end of January. I think that EWA has been suckered again. Point for PT.
EWA: 0
PT Barnum: 2
I remember a conversation with EWA (Evil Wall Street Analyst) quite some time ago, in which he told me that the Mecca was going to hire a new VP of Engineering for the Mecca that was so good "he was going to make me cream". MNB (My New Boss aka the new VP of Engineering) started last week, and let me tell you, my dreams have been anything but wet, unless you count perspiration.
First, MNB told me that we should not be buying our sample holder from a vendor in the far east. It took the Mad Man from Down South (the former VP of engineering) nearly six months to find one vendor that could actually make the things and sell them to us for an acceptable price. Of course MNB knows better and claimed that he had a shop in Silicon Valley that could do it better - and for as cheap. Having already talked to some of my own local vendors about it, I figured that if we were willing to pay about 40 times as much money, we could get them made locally. MNB told me that he knew better. Funny, he refused to show me the samples from his guy. I heard one of the other engineers refer to them as "scrap". No wet dreams yet.
Next, he told us that he would put a stop to the foolishness that is the Mecca's product build projections. No more changing requirements. Of course, we are now ordering parts for two variants of the system, in a yet to be determined quantity somewhere between 2 and 10. No problems. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he told us that we had to comb a 300 part bill of materials and make sure that all of the parts were correct. We had a day. Of course we couldn't let anything else we were doing slip. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he brought in his sidekick for two interviews. I was forced to show him the guts of our stuff. I suspect that he didn't have a non-disclosure agreement. It's ok though, because the guy works for MNB's old company, which is one of our competitors. And, there are no open positions at the Mecca, so even the HR person doesn't know why this guy is being interviewed. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he sent his CSA/UL/CE compliance consultant in to talk to us about getting safety certifications on the instrument. The consultant was actually good. I was impressed. Not creaming, but impressed. The consulant came back for a second look a week later. I was surprised by his speedy return since nothing had changed, and mentioned this to the consultant. The consultant confessed that MNB had asked him to come back to make sure that I understood simple things like the table of vent hole sizes, and to make sure that all of the wires are UL listed. Apparently, MNB thinks that I am either a sabateur, or really stupid. I asked him which it was. He told me that it was all a misunderstanding. Apparently, I misunderstood that he is a billigerent bully who is afraid of half of his engineering team. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he took the Sarcastic Brit out back and beat him for a paying too much for a part that our former boss (Mr. Ineffectual) had approved because we were told that getting the part quickly was more important than getting it cheaply. Apparently he wants to punish people for things that happened before he showed up. No wet dreams yet.
I guess that it doesn't help that I had the guy pegged as a biligerent bully from the moment I met him. Unfortunately my intuition seems to be too correct for comfort. No wet dreams yet.
The Fearful COO told us that he has experience "cleaning up" engineering teams with problems. Apparently, they have told MNB that the engineering team is problematic. I asked her if he cleaned up these teams by firing everybody. She informed me that she had looked into this, and he had not fired anybody. I am beginning to understand now. He didn't have to fire them. At the rate he's going, at least half of the engineering team will be gone before the end of January. I think that EWA has been suckered again. Point for PT.
EWA: 0
PT Barnum: 2
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The CTO
I have written briefly about the Chief Technical Officer. I have so much material on this guy that I don't know where to start. Of course, much like the CTO himself, most of my thoughts are completely random and chaotic.
In order to help me organize my thoughts, I present here a brief overview of the CTO's role in the development of the Mecca's core technology.
Imagine an elderly Indian gentleman (or not), shuffling around in his cork soled sandals. The true air of professionalism. One might be tempted to assume that he is one of those genius-type savants. One might even believe it when hearing some of the ideas this guy came up with. One would discover the folly of this assumption if one actually released the parking brake on one's brain.
Where to start?
Imagine that you want to build a machine that is basically the same as what everybody else is building. That is, your intellectual property isn't in the machine, but the stuff that goes in the machine. Suppose now that EVERYBODY was doing it the same way. Yeah, that way has patents, but if EVERYBODY else is doing it like that, either the patent holder is happy to grant a license, or they don't enforce their patents. Your engineers are also telling you that it is the most sensible way to do things. What would you do? You would come up with a way around the patent that multiplies the complexity of the device by a factor of ten. Not only does this increase the cost enormously, but gives the thing about two dozen additional (and unnecessary) new failure modes.
Your engineers grudgingly go along with you and design a device to do it your way. Just in case, you spend about $10,000 dollars for a "backup" that has a two month lead time, is four times the size, and is not really appropriate for the job. By the time it arrives, your engineers have devised a $1000 implementation for your stupid design concept and use your $10,000 toy as a door stop. They don't even take it out of the box. Bastards!
What to do? You don't want to waste that money, and you can't send it back, so you create some stupid side project and hire a company to turn this unused "insurance" into an even larger doorstop.
Back to the original design. Your engineers tell you that your design concept won't work, because it will require you to find a glue that will hold 20PSI of pressure, under relatively high temperatures, as well as being chemically inert, non-fluorescent and transparent. Your response is "the glue will hold". Your VP of engineering (the Mad Man from Down South) writes a long email to you, and CC's Swiper, telling you what a stupid design concept this is. He distributes hard copies of this email at virtually every meeting.
You need to take action. You come up with another stupid idea. Two wrongs make a right? One of your engineers turns this stupid idea into something viable. He says that it's a horrible solution. The performance is crap, it's not usable, and he's only done this to get the company out of the hole. That is, the alpha test site that has lost their bench to a stinking turd for over four months.
Your solution: You threaten to outsource your engineering team to a contract manufacturer in a third world country.
Your engineers seek a way to vent their frustrations, such as starting a blog called "The Silicon Valley Way."
But wait, there's more... Unfortunately, much more.
In order to help me organize my thoughts, I present here a brief overview of the CTO's role in the development of the Mecca's core technology.
Imagine an elderly Indian gentleman (or not), shuffling around in his cork soled sandals. The true air of professionalism. One might be tempted to assume that he is one of those genius-type savants. One might even believe it when hearing some of the ideas this guy came up with. One would discover the folly of this assumption if one actually released the parking brake on one's brain.
Where to start?
Imagine that you want to build a machine that is basically the same as what everybody else is building. That is, your intellectual property isn't in the machine, but the stuff that goes in the machine. Suppose now that EVERYBODY was doing it the same way. Yeah, that way has patents, but if EVERYBODY else is doing it like that, either the patent holder is happy to grant a license, or they don't enforce their patents. Your engineers are also telling you that it is the most sensible way to do things. What would you do? You would come up with a way around the patent that multiplies the complexity of the device by a factor of ten. Not only does this increase the cost enormously, but gives the thing about two dozen additional (and unnecessary) new failure modes.
Your engineers grudgingly go along with you and design a device to do it your way. Just in case, you spend about $10,000 dollars for a "backup" that has a two month lead time, is four times the size, and is not really appropriate for the job. By the time it arrives, your engineers have devised a $1000 implementation for your stupid design concept and use your $10,000 toy as a door stop. They don't even take it out of the box. Bastards!
What to do? You don't want to waste that money, and you can't send it back, so you create some stupid side project and hire a company to turn this unused "insurance" into an even larger doorstop.
Back to the original design. Your engineers tell you that your design concept won't work, because it will require you to find a glue that will hold 20PSI of pressure, under relatively high temperatures, as well as being chemically inert, non-fluorescent and transparent. Your response is "the glue will hold". Your VP of engineering (the Mad Man from Down South) writes a long email to you, and CC's Swiper, telling you what a stupid design concept this is. He distributes hard copies of this email at virtually every meeting.
You need to take action. You come up with another stupid idea. Two wrongs make a right? One of your engineers turns this stupid idea into something viable. He says that it's a horrible solution. The performance is crap, it's not usable, and he's only done this to get the company out of the hole. That is, the alpha test site that has lost their bench to a stinking turd for over four months.
Your solution: You threaten to outsource your engineering team to a contract manufacturer in a third world country.
Your engineers seek a way to vent their frustrations, such as starting a blog called "The Silicon Valley Way."
But wait, there's more... Unfortunately, much more.
Monday, November 2, 2009
New warning on CAD software: Contains chemicals known to cause psychopathic behavior in the state of California Part III
A couple of weeks passed. Things seemed to be settled into one of those funks that although it stinks, you can almost convince yourself that there is actually not a rotten pile of dung right outside your window.
It was decided that there was too much drafting work to do, so we would hire a mechanical designer (or senior drafter) to assist Buffalo Bill. Of course everybody (but Bill) was thinking about it being his replacement. I was still hopeful that it wouldn't come to that, but I wasn't holding my breath.
The next incident that added fuel to the fire was a faux pas that I committed. Mr. Ineffectual got a couple of resumes from a body shop (temp agency), and Buffalo Bill was offended that the Sarcastic Brit and I were sent the resumes while he was not. I figured it couldn't hurt to pass them along and forwarded the email. It never occurred to me that the email also contained the hourly rates for both candidates. To make matters worse, the body shop was charging more for either of these two guys than we were paying Buffalo Bill. Needless to say, this made Buffalo Bill unhappy.
I tried to smooth over the situation by taking Bill out for lunch and telling him that it really doesn't matter what anybody else makes, and that all he should be worried about was his own work and compensation. I added that I used to worry about things like that, but there was no point, and life was too short. I thought that maybe I had gotten through to him, and his attitude would improve.
We interviewed two candidates. One had lots of experience using our CAD package, and came from the body shop. The other candidate was a friend of a friend of one of the other engineers, but didn't seem to have ever used our CAD software (which is probably the most common package available.) Anyway, Buffalo Bill took over the interviews. Far from being a guy on the verge of being sacked for producing nothing but flaming piles of doo, he acted as though he were the head of engineering or something.
Needless to say, he didn't like the guy from the body shop. Apparently he was smarmy. Of course, I am sure that his hourly rate (that was about 50% higher than Bill's) didn't have anything to do with it. The other guy - the one that seemingly had NO experience whatever with our CAD software was the obvious winner.
Mr. Ineffectual, the Sarcast Brit and I sat down the next day to discuss the two candidates. We decided to go with the guy who would need the least amount of help. Mr. Ineffectual called the body shop to make the arrangements.
I was sitting in an open area of the office that day, eating lunch with Fly Boy when Bill came by and joined us. I was talking to Flyboy about the amount of work we to do, and commented that getting the new designer in would help immensely.
I saw Buffalo Bill grow tense as he asked which guy we picked. I told him. He started swearing about not being consulted and that his oppinion obviously didn't amount to sh!t. Unfortunately, that statement was pretty true. If his work had been adequate, or if he hadn't made an ass of himself in the interviews, or if I hadn't grown so tired of his griping for months, I might have cared more. He stormed off. I shrugged.
The next morning was a company wide meeting. Buffalo Bill decided that he was going to boycot. I heard him say this and left. At that point, he told the Dragon Lady that he knew how much money the new mechanical engineer was making, and he was very upset. When the Dragon Lady asked him where he got his information, he revealed that the informant was the account that does the SOX compliance. Since Bill and the accountant are not particularly chummy, I have to assume that the accountant was trying to make the worst of a bad situation. What did he have to gain? I have no clue. I should probably mention the fact that the new mechanical engineer has a Master's degree in mechanical engineering, and not an associate's degree in project management from DeVry. Of course those are more or less eqivalent qualifications for doing mechanical design work.
The Dragon Lady was livid about salary information being given out, and she was also sick and tired of Buffalo Bill. She spoke to Swiper. Then I spoke to Swiper, and had to explain why Bill was still hanging around like a plague over the company. I didn't have a good answer. It wasn't because of his awsome work.
I talked to Mr. Ineffectual, the Sarcastic Brit, and human resources, and we decided to pull the plug the next day. We would do it nice and early, before too many people show up. (Starting time at the Mecca is typically the crack of noon.) Everything was in place. We arranged for Bill's replacement (Mr. Smarmy) to show up after noon so there would be no confrontation.
That afternoon, Buffalo Bill tried to re-enact the highlights from a Sabres game and hip-checked Mr. Ineffectual into the wall. Perhaps that is what made Mr. ineffectual turn red. Perhaps it was the comment "that was for being an idiot". In either case, it's not a wise thing to do to the boss. Buffalo bill was given his severence that afternoon.
Since the Sarcastic Brit was nominally Bill's manager, he got the enviable job of delivering the pink slip. Apparently, Bill didn't think that the Brit would do it, as his parting words were akin to "Et tu, Brute". Later, Bill sent the Sarcastic Brit an email, stating there were no hard feelings, as he was obviously the sacrificial lamb for the project being late.
Of course, the the good feelings didn't end there. He called up one of our most important vendors and told them that the Mecca was laying people off because they had no money to pay employees or suppliers. Needless to say, the vendor was very happy that Bill had been sacked for being an incompetent dork with a bad attitude.
Will Mr. Smarmy fare any better than Buffalo Bill? We don't know. After we took the wheel barrow to Buffalo Bill's cubicle, and found litterally several thousand sheets with markups, and no way of knowing which had been added to the system, we decided to sort the little pieces of paper (ten man hours later) and deliver them to Mr Smarmy for vetting. We haven't seen him since.
I have learned this: The Mecca is not a safe place for mechanical designers.
It was decided that there was too much drafting work to do, so we would hire a mechanical designer (or senior drafter) to assist Buffalo Bill. Of course everybody (but Bill) was thinking about it being his replacement. I was still hopeful that it wouldn't come to that, but I wasn't holding my breath.
The next incident that added fuel to the fire was a faux pas that I committed. Mr. Ineffectual got a couple of resumes from a body shop (temp agency), and Buffalo Bill was offended that the Sarcastic Brit and I were sent the resumes while he was not. I figured it couldn't hurt to pass them along and forwarded the email. It never occurred to me that the email also contained the hourly rates for both candidates. To make matters worse, the body shop was charging more for either of these two guys than we were paying Buffalo Bill. Needless to say, this made Buffalo Bill unhappy.
I tried to smooth over the situation by taking Bill out for lunch and telling him that it really doesn't matter what anybody else makes, and that all he should be worried about was his own work and compensation. I added that I used to worry about things like that, but there was no point, and life was too short. I thought that maybe I had gotten through to him, and his attitude would improve.
We interviewed two candidates. One had lots of experience using our CAD package, and came from the body shop. The other candidate was a friend of a friend of one of the other engineers, but didn't seem to have ever used our CAD software (which is probably the most common package available.) Anyway, Buffalo Bill took over the interviews. Far from being a guy on the verge of being sacked for producing nothing but flaming piles of doo, he acted as though he were the head of engineering or something.
Needless to say, he didn't like the guy from the body shop. Apparently he was smarmy. Of course, I am sure that his hourly rate (that was about 50% higher than Bill's) didn't have anything to do with it. The other guy - the one that seemingly had NO experience whatever with our CAD software was the obvious winner.
Mr. Ineffectual, the Sarcast Brit and I sat down the next day to discuss the two candidates. We decided to go with the guy who would need the least amount of help. Mr. Ineffectual called the body shop to make the arrangements.
I was sitting in an open area of the office that day, eating lunch with Fly Boy when Bill came by and joined us. I was talking to Flyboy about the amount of work we to do, and commented that getting the new designer in would help immensely.
I saw Buffalo Bill grow tense as he asked which guy we picked. I told him. He started swearing about not being consulted and that his oppinion obviously didn't amount to sh!t. Unfortunately, that statement was pretty true. If his work had been adequate, or if he hadn't made an ass of himself in the interviews, or if I hadn't grown so tired of his griping for months, I might have cared more. He stormed off. I shrugged.
The next morning was a company wide meeting. Buffalo Bill decided that he was going to boycot. I heard him say this and left. At that point, he told the Dragon Lady that he knew how much money the new mechanical engineer was making, and he was very upset. When the Dragon Lady asked him where he got his information, he revealed that the informant was the account that does the SOX compliance. Since Bill and the accountant are not particularly chummy, I have to assume that the accountant was trying to make the worst of a bad situation. What did he have to gain? I have no clue. I should probably mention the fact that the new mechanical engineer has a Master's degree in mechanical engineering, and not an associate's degree in project management from DeVry. Of course those are more or less eqivalent qualifications for doing mechanical design work.
The Dragon Lady was livid about salary information being given out, and she was also sick and tired of Buffalo Bill. She spoke to Swiper. Then I spoke to Swiper, and had to explain why Bill was still hanging around like a plague over the company. I didn't have a good answer. It wasn't because of his awsome work.
I talked to Mr. Ineffectual, the Sarcastic Brit, and human resources, and we decided to pull the plug the next day. We would do it nice and early, before too many people show up. (Starting time at the Mecca is typically the crack of noon.) Everything was in place. We arranged for Bill's replacement (Mr. Smarmy) to show up after noon so there would be no confrontation.
That afternoon, Buffalo Bill tried to re-enact the highlights from a Sabres game and hip-checked Mr. Ineffectual into the wall. Perhaps that is what made Mr. ineffectual turn red. Perhaps it was the comment "that was for being an idiot". In either case, it's not a wise thing to do to the boss. Buffalo bill was given his severence that afternoon.
Since the Sarcastic Brit was nominally Bill's manager, he got the enviable job of delivering the pink slip. Apparently, Bill didn't think that the Brit would do it, as his parting words were akin to "Et tu, Brute". Later, Bill sent the Sarcastic Brit an email, stating there were no hard feelings, as he was obviously the sacrificial lamb for the project being late.
Of course, the the good feelings didn't end there. He called up one of our most important vendors and told them that the Mecca was laying people off because they had no money to pay employees or suppliers. Needless to say, the vendor was very happy that Bill had been sacked for being an incompetent dork with a bad attitude.
Will Mr. Smarmy fare any better than Buffalo Bill? We don't know. After we took the wheel barrow to Buffalo Bill's cubicle, and found litterally several thousand sheets with markups, and no way of knowing which had been added to the system, we decided to sort the little pieces of paper (ten man hours later) and deliver them to Mr Smarmy for vetting. We haven't seen him since.
I have learned this: The Mecca is not a safe place for mechanical designers.
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