The Dog Ate My Homework - Part 2

So I was discussing the glorious ray tracing results with the Sarcastic Brit, who took one look and said "Why the hell are the mirrors so big?"

I looked at it, and said "I don't know. But the Big Boy did it, so they can't be wrong."

Then, I went back to my desk and used some of my vast knowledge of grade 12 physics to come up with a new set of numbers. They were vastly different than what the consultant had produced with the $1000 + software package (that he's apparently running on a Trash 80). So, I went to the lab and I set the distances in the prototype. It turns out that grade 12 physics (and a supposedly incompetent engineer), give more realistic results than the $100/hour consultant and his $1000 software.

I mentioned this to MNNB. I don't think he believed me. I showed him the prototype. He had to admit that I was right.

He was right: I learned a lot from working with the consultant. Mostly, that if a consultant doesn't want the work, paying him won't make him do it.

The dog ate my homework - part 1

So... classic Mecca management:

You don't like one of your engineers. You want to insult him. So, you hire a consultant at $100/hour to do his job.

You tell your engineer that the consultant is brilliant. You tell him that he could absorb vast amounts of knowledge just by being in the proximity of this consultant.

You call the consultant "the big boy" in front of half of the company and tell your engineer that he can't do anything useful. Just let the consultant do it all.

You tell your engineer that you might agree to let him set up the consultant's model on the bread board, just so that he can bask in the greatness of the consultant's overpowering intellect.

Then... the line went dead. The consultant disappeared.

He said that he was very busy. Too busy, in fact to reply to email.

Apparently, the consultant does not own a cell phone.

Apparently, the consultant has more important clients.

Finally, MNNB emailed the consultant to find out why we hadn't received the ray tracing. The line remained dead. MNNB tried calling the consultant's house. He didn't answer.

After one week, I emailed the consultant and asked him how he was doing. His response went something like this:

I have been working on the ray tracing, but it runs very slowly on my computer, and that's why I haven't been able to provide you guys with anything.

Two hours later, I have 1/2 of the ray trace. Fantastic... The assignment was half done, and over a week past due. If we were back in school, I'm pretty sure that would amount to an F. Of course the consultant is brilliant, so his invoices will be paid in full and on time.


now I can prototype the thing and bask in the consultant's brilliance...

The Blockhead

Greetings, patient readers. My apologies for going so long between posts again, but I have been plotting the demise of the Mecca.

In other news.... I want to write about an often overlooked character at the Mecca.

It turns out that ALL of the software for the flagship instrument platform was written by one guy. That's right... hardware control, UI, algorithms, all written by one lonely guy. The best part about this guy is that he's not even an actually employee at the Mecca - he's a contractor.

So... you might ask why a "world leading" biotechnology company would entrust their entire platform to a consultant. Then, of course you remember that it's the Mecca, and such foolishness is their forte.

I have actually known the Blockhead for a long time. He worked with the Mad Man and I back in the Northland. Unfortunately, due to some strangeness with citizenship and visas and sheer blockheadedness, the Blockhead was unable (perhaps too wise) to get sucked out to Silicon Valley. So, the Blockhead sat is his cave and developed the software without even an instrument to work with. It's truly impressive.

You may be thinking by now that the Blockhead is brilliant. Perhaps he's brilliant when it comes to computer programming, but as the Sarcastic Brit is fond of reminding him "stick to the ones and zeros!"

You see... most people would realize that they are the key to the whole thing and take advantage of the situation. Not the Blockhead. When he had to face down the CFO for contract negotiations, it went something like this:

CFO: Blockhead, you've done some fantastic work, but times are tough, so we can't pay you for as many hours per month.

Blockhead: That's ok, I guess. I am already working twice as many hours as you are paying me for, so I won't really notice working a few more free hours. After all, the decreased value of the US dollar has eroded my wages as well, so I shouldn't even notice that you are paying me less money.

CFO: That's a fantastic way to look at it. I'll give you some underwater stock options as well.

Blockhead: That sounds totally fair.

Harbinger: I have a present for you Blockhead. Here is a bag that says "Mecca Magic Beans". If you plant them in your back yard, maybe a beanstalk will grow that will lead you to the goose that lays the golden eggs.

Blockhead: Cool. I'll have to try it.


Does anybody know: Will white beans grow to give you a beanstalk or a bush??? I guess that it's as likely of a thing as those stock options.