I will get back to the Marvelous CTO. Tonight, I want to tell you about the latest addition to the Mecca's illustrious management team.
I remember a conversation with EWA (Evil Wall Street Analyst) quite some time ago, in which he told me that the Mecca was going to hire a new VP of Engineering for the Mecca that was so good "he was going to make me cream". MNB (My New Boss aka the new VP of Engineering) started last week, and let me tell you, my dreams have been anything but wet, unless you count perspiration.
First, MNB told me that we should not be buying our sample holder from a vendor in the far east. It took the Mad Man from Down South (the former VP of engineering) nearly six months to find one vendor that could actually make the things and sell them to us for an acceptable price. Of course MNB knows better and claimed that he had a shop in Silicon Valley that could do it better - and for as cheap. Having already talked to some of my own local vendors about it, I figured that if we were willing to pay about 40 times as much money, we could get them made locally. MNB told me that he knew better. Funny, he refused to show me the samples from his guy. I heard one of the other engineers refer to them as "scrap". No wet dreams yet.
Next, he told us that he would put a stop to the foolishness that is the Mecca's product build projections. No more changing requirements. Of course, we are now ordering parts for two variants of the system, in a yet to be determined quantity somewhere between 2 and 10. No problems. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he told us that we had to comb a 300 part bill of materials and make sure that all of the parts were correct. We had a day. Of course we couldn't let anything else we were doing slip. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he brought in his sidekick for two interviews. I was forced to show him the guts of our stuff. I suspect that he didn't have a non-disclosure agreement. It's ok though, because the guy works for MNB's old company, which is one of our competitors. And, there are no open positions at the Mecca, so even the HR person doesn't know why this guy is being interviewed. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he sent his CSA/UL/CE compliance consultant in to talk to us about getting safety certifications on the instrument. The consultant was actually good. I was impressed. Not creaming, but impressed. The consulant came back for a second look a week later. I was surprised by his speedy return since nothing had changed, and mentioned this to the consultant. The consultant confessed that MNB had asked him to come back to make sure that I understood simple things like the table of vent hole sizes, and to make sure that all of the wires are UL listed. Apparently, MNB thinks that I am either a sabateur, or really stupid. I asked him which it was. He told me that it was all a misunderstanding. Apparently, I misunderstood that he is a billigerent bully who is afraid of half of his engineering team. No wet dreams yet.
Then, he took the Sarcastic Brit out back and beat him for a paying too much for a part that our former boss (Mr. Ineffectual) had approved because we were told that getting the part quickly was more important than getting it cheaply. Apparently he wants to punish people for things that happened before he showed up. No wet dreams yet.
I guess that it doesn't help that I had the guy pegged as a biligerent bully from the moment I met him. Unfortunately my intuition seems to be too correct for comfort. No wet dreams yet.
The Fearful COO told us that he has experience "cleaning up" engineering teams with problems. Apparently, they have told MNB that the engineering team is problematic. I asked her if he cleaned up these teams by firing everybody. She informed me that she had looked into this, and he had not fired anybody. I am beginning to understand now. He didn't have to fire them. At the rate he's going, at least half of the engineering team will be gone before the end of January. I think that EWA has been suckered again. Point for PT.
EWA: 0
PT Barnum: 2
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The CTO
I have written briefly about the Chief Technical Officer. I have so much material on this guy that I don't know where to start. Of course, much like the CTO himself, most of my thoughts are completely random and chaotic.
In order to help me organize my thoughts, I present here a brief overview of the CTO's role in the development of the Mecca's core technology.
Imagine an elderly Indian gentleman (or not), shuffling around in his cork soled sandals. The true air of professionalism. One might be tempted to assume that he is one of those genius-type savants. One might even believe it when hearing some of the ideas this guy came up with. One would discover the folly of this assumption if one actually released the parking brake on one's brain.
Where to start?
Imagine that you want to build a machine that is basically the same as what everybody else is building. That is, your intellectual property isn't in the machine, but the stuff that goes in the machine. Suppose now that EVERYBODY was doing it the same way. Yeah, that way has patents, but if EVERYBODY else is doing it like that, either the patent holder is happy to grant a license, or they don't enforce their patents. Your engineers are also telling you that it is the most sensible way to do things. What would you do? You would come up with a way around the patent that multiplies the complexity of the device by a factor of ten. Not only does this increase the cost enormously, but gives the thing about two dozen additional (and unnecessary) new failure modes.
Your engineers grudgingly go along with you and design a device to do it your way. Just in case, you spend about $10,000 dollars for a "backup" that has a two month lead time, is four times the size, and is not really appropriate for the job. By the time it arrives, your engineers have devised a $1000 implementation for your stupid design concept and use your $10,000 toy as a door stop. They don't even take it out of the box. Bastards!
What to do? You don't want to waste that money, and you can't send it back, so you create some stupid side project and hire a company to turn this unused "insurance" into an even larger doorstop.
Back to the original design. Your engineers tell you that your design concept won't work, because it will require you to find a glue that will hold 20PSI of pressure, under relatively high temperatures, as well as being chemically inert, non-fluorescent and transparent. Your response is "the glue will hold". Your VP of engineering (the Mad Man from Down South) writes a long email to you, and CC's Swiper, telling you what a stupid design concept this is. He distributes hard copies of this email at virtually every meeting.
You need to take action. You come up with another stupid idea. Two wrongs make a right? One of your engineers turns this stupid idea into something viable. He says that it's a horrible solution. The performance is crap, it's not usable, and he's only done this to get the company out of the hole. That is, the alpha test site that has lost their bench to a stinking turd for over four months.
Your solution: You threaten to outsource your engineering team to a contract manufacturer in a third world country.
Your engineers seek a way to vent their frustrations, such as starting a blog called "The Silicon Valley Way."
But wait, there's more... Unfortunately, much more.
In order to help me organize my thoughts, I present here a brief overview of the CTO's role in the development of the Mecca's core technology.
Imagine an elderly Indian gentleman (or not), shuffling around in his cork soled sandals. The true air of professionalism. One might be tempted to assume that he is one of those genius-type savants. One might even believe it when hearing some of the ideas this guy came up with. One would discover the folly of this assumption if one actually released the parking brake on one's brain.
Where to start?
Imagine that you want to build a machine that is basically the same as what everybody else is building. That is, your intellectual property isn't in the machine, but the stuff that goes in the machine. Suppose now that EVERYBODY was doing it the same way. Yeah, that way has patents, but if EVERYBODY else is doing it like that, either the patent holder is happy to grant a license, or they don't enforce their patents. Your engineers are also telling you that it is the most sensible way to do things. What would you do? You would come up with a way around the patent that multiplies the complexity of the device by a factor of ten. Not only does this increase the cost enormously, but gives the thing about two dozen additional (and unnecessary) new failure modes.
Your engineers grudgingly go along with you and design a device to do it your way. Just in case, you spend about $10,000 dollars for a "backup" that has a two month lead time, is four times the size, and is not really appropriate for the job. By the time it arrives, your engineers have devised a $1000 implementation for your stupid design concept and use your $10,000 toy as a door stop. They don't even take it out of the box. Bastards!
What to do? You don't want to waste that money, and you can't send it back, so you create some stupid side project and hire a company to turn this unused "insurance" into an even larger doorstop.
Back to the original design. Your engineers tell you that your design concept won't work, because it will require you to find a glue that will hold 20PSI of pressure, under relatively high temperatures, as well as being chemically inert, non-fluorescent and transparent. Your response is "the glue will hold". Your VP of engineering (the Mad Man from Down South) writes a long email to you, and CC's Swiper, telling you what a stupid design concept this is. He distributes hard copies of this email at virtually every meeting.
You need to take action. You come up with another stupid idea. Two wrongs make a right? One of your engineers turns this stupid idea into something viable. He says that it's a horrible solution. The performance is crap, it's not usable, and he's only done this to get the company out of the hole. That is, the alpha test site that has lost their bench to a stinking turd for over four months.
Your solution: You threaten to outsource your engineering team to a contract manufacturer in a third world country.
Your engineers seek a way to vent their frustrations, such as starting a blog called "The Silicon Valley Way."
But wait, there's more... Unfortunately, much more.
Monday, November 2, 2009
New warning on CAD software: Contains chemicals known to cause psychopathic behavior in the state of California Part III
A couple of weeks passed. Things seemed to be settled into one of those funks that although it stinks, you can almost convince yourself that there is actually not a rotten pile of dung right outside your window.
It was decided that there was too much drafting work to do, so we would hire a mechanical designer (or senior drafter) to assist Buffalo Bill. Of course everybody (but Bill) was thinking about it being his replacement. I was still hopeful that it wouldn't come to that, but I wasn't holding my breath.
The next incident that added fuel to the fire was a faux pas that I committed. Mr. Ineffectual got a couple of resumes from a body shop (temp agency), and Buffalo Bill was offended that the Sarcastic Brit and I were sent the resumes while he was not. I figured it couldn't hurt to pass them along and forwarded the email. It never occurred to me that the email also contained the hourly rates for both candidates. To make matters worse, the body shop was charging more for either of these two guys than we were paying Buffalo Bill. Needless to say, this made Buffalo Bill unhappy.
I tried to smooth over the situation by taking Bill out for lunch and telling him that it really doesn't matter what anybody else makes, and that all he should be worried about was his own work and compensation. I added that I used to worry about things like that, but there was no point, and life was too short. I thought that maybe I had gotten through to him, and his attitude would improve.
We interviewed two candidates. One had lots of experience using our CAD package, and came from the body shop. The other candidate was a friend of a friend of one of the other engineers, but didn't seem to have ever used our CAD software (which is probably the most common package available.) Anyway, Buffalo Bill took over the interviews. Far from being a guy on the verge of being sacked for producing nothing but flaming piles of doo, he acted as though he were the head of engineering or something.
Needless to say, he didn't like the guy from the body shop. Apparently he was smarmy. Of course, I am sure that his hourly rate (that was about 50% higher than Bill's) didn't have anything to do with it. The other guy - the one that seemingly had NO experience whatever with our CAD software was the obvious winner.
Mr. Ineffectual, the Sarcast Brit and I sat down the next day to discuss the two candidates. We decided to go with the guy who would need the least amount of help. Mr. Ineffectual called the body shop to make the arrangements.
I was sitting in an open area of the office that day, eating lunch with Fly Boy when Bill came by and joined us. I was talking to Flyboy about the amount of work we to do, and commented that getting the new designer in would help immensely.
I saw Buffalo Bill grow tense as he asked which guy we picked. I told him. He started swearing about not being consulted and that his oppinion obviously didn't amount to sh!t. Unfortunately, that statement was pretty true. If his work had been adequate, or if he hadn't made an ass of himself in the interviews, or if I hadn't grown so tired of his griping for months, I might have cared more. He stormed off. I shrugged.
The next morning was a company wide meeting. Buffalo Bill decided that he was going to boycot. I heard him say this and left. At that point, he told the Dragon Lady that he knew how much money the new mechanical engineer was making, and he was very upset. When the Dragon Lady asked him where he got his information, he revealed that the informant was the account that does the SOX compliance. Since Bill and the accountant are not particularly chummy, I have to assume that the accountant was trying to make the worst of a bad situation. What did he have to gain? I have no clue. I should probably mention the fact that the new mechanical engineer has a Master's degree in mechanical engineering, and not an associate's degree in project management from DeVry. Of course those are more or less eqivalent qualifications for doing mechanical design work.
The Dragon Lady was livid about salary information being given out, and she was also sick and tired of Buffalo Bill. She spoke to Swiper. Then I spoke to Swiper, and had to explain why Bill was still hanging around like a plague over the company. I didn't have a good answer. It wasn't because of his awsome work.
I talked to Mr. Ineffectual, the Sarcastic Brit, and human resources, and we decided to pull the plug the next day. We would do it nice and early, before too many people show up. (Starting time at the Mecca is typically the crack of noon.) Everything was in place. We arranged for Bill's replacement (Mr. Smarmy) to show up after noon so there would be no confrontation.
That afternoon, Buffalo Bill tried to re-enact the highlights from a Sabres game and hip-checked Mr. Ineffectual into the wall. Perhaps that is what made Mr. ineffectual turn red. Perhaps it was the comment "that was for being an idiot". In either case, it's not a wise thing to do to the boss. Buffalo bill was given his severence that afternoon.
Since the Sarcastic Brit was nominally Bill's manager, he got the enviable job of delivering the pink slip. Apparently, Bill didn't think that the Brit would do it, as his parting words were akin to "Et tu, Brute". Later, Bill sent the Sarcastic Brit an email, stating there were no hard feelings, as he was obviously the sacrificial lamb for the project being late.
Of course, the the good feelings didn't end there. He called up one of our most important vendors and told them that the Mecca was laying people off because they had no money to pay employees or suppliers. Needless to say, the vendor was very happy that Bill had been sacked for being an incompetent dork with a bad attitude.
Will Mr. Smarmy fare any better than Buffalo Bill? We don't know. After we took the wheel barrow to Buffalo Bill's cubicle, and found litterally several thousand sheets with markups, and no way of knowing which had been added to the system, we decided to sort the little pieces of paper (ten man hours later) and deliver them to Mr Smarmy for vetting. We haven't seen him since.
I have learned this: The Mecca is not a safe place for mechanical designers.
It was decided that there was too much drafting work to do, so we would hire a mechanical designer (or senior drafter) to assist Buffalo Bill. Of course everybody (but Bill) was thinking about it being his replacement. I was still hopeful that it wouldn't come to that, but I wasn't holding my breath.
The next incident that added fuel to the fire was a faux pas that I committed. Mr. Ineffectual got a couple of resumes from a body shop (temp agency), and Buffalo Bill was offended that the Sarcastic Brit and I were sent the resumes while he was not. I figured it couldn't hurt to pass them along and forwarded the email. It never occurred to me that the email also contained the hourly rates for both candidates. To make matters worse, the body shop was charging more for either of these two guys than we were paying Buffalo Bill. Needless to say, this made Buffalo Bill unhappy.
I tried to smooth over the situation by taking Bill out for lunch and telling him that it really doesn't matter what anybody else makes, and that all he should be worried about was his own work and compensation. I added that I used to worry about things like that, but there was no point, and life was too short. I thought that maybe I had gotten through to him, and his attitude would improve.
We interviewed two candidates. One had lots of experience using our CAD package, and came from the body shop. The other candidate was a friend of a friend of one of the other engineers, but didn't seem to have ever used our CAD software (which is probably the most common package available.) Anyway, Buffalo Bill took over the interviews. Far from being a guy on the verge of being sacked for producing nothing but flaming piles of doo, he acted as though he were the head of engineering or something.
Needless to say, he didn't like the guy from the body shop. Apparently he was smarmy. Of course, I am sure that his hourly rate (that was about 50% higher than Bill's) didn't have anything to do with it. The other guy - the one that seemingly had NO experience whatever with our CAD software was the obvious winner.
Mr. Ineffectual, the Sarcast Brit and I sat down the next day to discuss the two candidates. We decided to go with the guy who would need the least amount of help. Mr. Ineffectual called the body shop to make the arrangements.
I was sitting in an open area of the office that day, eating lunch with Fly Boy when Bill came by and joined us. I was talking to Flyboy about the amount of work we to do, and commented that getting the new designer in would help immensely.
I saw Buffalo Bill grow tense as he asked which guy we picked. I told him. He started swearing about not being consulted and that his oppinion obviously didn't amount to sh!t. Unfortunately, that statement was pretty true. If his work had been adequate, or if he hadn't made an ass of himself in the interviews, or if I hadn't grown so tired of his griping for months, I might have cared more. He stormed off. I shrugged.
The next morning was a company wide meeting. Buffalo Bill decided that he was going to boycot. I heard him say this and left. At that point, he told the Dragon Lady that he knew how much money the new mechanical engineer was making, and he was very upset. When the Dragon Lady asked him where he got his information, he revealed that the informant was the account that does the SOX compliance. Since Bill and the accountant are not particularly chummy, I have to assume that the accountant was trying to make the worst of a bad situation. What did he have to gain? I have no clue. I should probably mention the fact that the new mechanical engineer has a Master's degree in mechanical engineering, and not an associate's degree in project management from DeVry. Of course those are more or less eqivalent qualifications for doing mechanical design work.
The Dragon Lady was livid about salary information being given out, and she was also sick and tired of Buffalo Bill. She spoke to Swiper. Then I spoke to Swiper, and had to explain why Bill was still hanging around like a plague over the company. I didn't have a good answer. It wasn't because of his awsome work.
I talked to Mr. Ineffectual, the Sarcastic Brit, and human resources, and we decided to pull the plug the next day. We would do it nice and early, before too many people show up. (Starting time at the Mecca is typically the crack of noon.) Everything was in place. We arranged for Bill's replacement (Mr. Smarmy) to show up after noon so there would be no confrontation.
That afternoon, Buffalo Bill tried to re-enact the highlights from a Sabres game and hip-checked Mr. Ineffectual into the wall. Perhaps that is what made Mr. ineffectual turn red. Perhaps it was the comment "that was for being an idiot". In either case, it's not a wise thing to do to the boss. Buffalo bill was given his severence that afternoon.
Since the Sarcastic Brit was nominally Bill's manager, he got the enviable job of delivering the pink slip. Apparently, Bill didn't think that the Brit would do it, as his parting words were akin to "Et tu, Brute". Later, Bill sent the Sarcastic Brit an email, stating there were no hard feelings, as he was obviously the sacrificial lamb for the project being late.
Of course, the the good feelings didn't end there. He called up one of our most important vendors and told them that the Mecca was laying people off because they had no money to pay employees or suppliers. Needless to say, the vendor was very happy that Bill had been sacked for being an incompetent dork with a bad attitude.
Will Mr. Smarmy fare any better than Buffalo Bill? We don't know. After we took the wheel barrow to Buffalo Bill's cubicle, and found litterally several thousand sheets with markups, and no way of knowing which had been added to the system, we decided to sort the little pieces of paper (ten man hours later) and deliver them to Mr Smarmy for vetting. We haven't seen him since.
I have learned this: The Mecca is not a safe place for mechanical designers.
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