Looking for a few good men

First, I must admit to having a we bit of a narcissistic moment, when I noticed that my hit counter had broken the 200 mark. I don't know who is reading this thing. It may be my wife, trying to boost my ego. Perhaps there are actually that many people who find flaming train wrecks amusing. Perhaps I should get a more sophisticated counter so that I can see who is actually reading. There are not many comments, so it seems that my readers are not overly talkative. Of course, it could be that Swiper has found this blog and all of the hits are the lawyers getting ready to sue me. Don't laugh... If I had something worth taking the jackals would be right there. But enough of that - it has been far too long since I posted anything.

As I have previously lamented, the Biotech Mecca is somewhat heavy with electrical engineers, and bereft of mechanical people. We have had several employees who have either fancied themselves mechanical designers (but have not been), or have been capable but ornery.

At the Mecca, we have been chronically searching for a good mechanical engineer. Mr. Mom pompously said that it needed to be a requirement that we hire somebody who had worked on a successful instrumentation project. This was said when I was sitting in the senior management meeting on account of my boss being absent. My response to that lunacy was "no - the only requirements are that the person be able to design mechanical stuff and that they can get along with the rest of the engineers." I was told that it would be good for the culture. What the hell does that mean? So, I asked that question. "You know, having somebody who knows how to design a product." I will admit that I rose to the bait. "I have worked with many people who were on successful product teams, and you couldn't pay me enough to work with any of them." Thankfully, I didn't have to relate the stories of the amazing Costco and Dr. Fubar from a previous company. I have some material from there too... but that's another story. (Cue the Xylophone and the rodents.)

We all know that a pedigree does not make somebody good, and lack of a pedigree does not make them stink. On the other hand, I would like to think that my 6+ years of university education are worth something. I have also come to recognize that years of experience are also somewhat meaningless. If one is observant and able to learn from their mistakes, experience is a fabulous teacher. Other people... Needless to say, we start with the resumes.

We got five candidates from the head hunter. They seemed alright. We interviewed the first guy - perhaps too much manager and not enough design engineer. Since the last thing the engineering group needs is another manager, we decided to put that guy on the back burner.

The next four candidates had solid resumes - degrees in mechanical engineering, work experience (one had ten years of experience), and a couple even had graduate degrees.

Candidate #2: He asked to be excused from the interview before even talking to me. Probably, he didn't really want the job.

Candidate #3: Somebody Lee. Bruce Lee's long lost Cousin? Perhaps the hand written thank-you card with the Taco Bell coupon was supposed to make up for the fact that he couldn't answer any of our questions. We didn't bother running him through the CAD test. He couldn't answer what we thought were easy questions about mechanical engineering. That's pretty sad, considering the interview was conducted by an electrical engineer, and physicist and a mechanical designer. (Actually, Buffalo Bill is really only competent as a draftsman, but suggesting that to his face would probably make him cry.)

Candidate #4: Cindy Lou Who. She got a couple of our kindergarten questions. We let her do the CAD test. After two hours, she gave us a blank screen.

Candidate #5: Another Lee. Bruce seems to have been busy. This guy was young, but he had a graduate degree, so he's probably smart... right? Why did a series of easy mechanical engineering questions feel like I was giving a first year engineering lecture? Perhaps he was nervous... On to the CAD test. We actually got something from him. It was perhaps the most improbable way one could have done it given the bits that he had to work with. Image giving somebody four wheels, some gears and a car body, and telling them to build a mode of transportation. Then, imagine returning to find that they tried to build a Piano.

OK, so we may not be the most desirable company ever. So maybe we didn't get the headhunter's best candidates. However, I had hoped that we wouldn't get the who's who of Silicon Valley engineering rejects. Wait... We didn't interview Captain Fantastic. I guess that we didn't get ALL of the rejects. I couldn't find the clip that I wanted to describe this set of interviews, but this one is still pretty much dead on..

By the way... the first guy we interviewed - got a job before we offered him one. Apparently, he wasn't holding out to work for the Mecca either.

The Sarcastic Brit did run into a guy in the parking lot that does mechanical engineering on a contract basis. Of course the last guy we pulled in from the parking lot was Jar Jar. This guy can't be worse. When my boss interviewed him, he told the following metaphor: In the engineering world, there are Hyenas and there are Cheetahs. Cheetahs are very specialized. While they are excellent hunters, they often go hungry between meals. Hyenas will eat anything. They never go hungry. The metaphor finished with "I am a Hyena." I hope the Hyena is good, he starts on Monday. He did an excellent interview. He doesn't mind working contract because he intends to quit when it looks like we are running out of work for him. Hmmm... it seems like a match made in heaven. He's willing to eat carrion (of course he may have to fight off the vultures we routinely see circling the Mecca's office), and he realizes that there is no point in sticking around once the work (and/or money) are gone.

Of course, if this guy is good, and doesn't call anybody a Punkass M*otherF^c&er it will be a new experience.