Lifeboat Drill

A couple of weeks ago, the Sarcastic Brit was talking to MNB, who asked him if he knew what a "lifeboat drill" was.

The Sarcastic Brit replied "I assume it's where you decide who gets to live and who drowns".

It was a strange conversation, but it made a bit more sense today.

The Mecca has this product - StupidProduct, where they sell the instrument for modest profit, and then sell consumables for $50. Unfortunately, the consumables cost $150 to make. No worries... we'll make it up on volume.

Anyway, the management at the Mecca have been trying to find a sucker... I mean buyer for this product line. Needless to say, they couldn't find somebody with a sufficient lack of common sense. So, we just kept making more of them.

Today, they announced that we would be focusing on our core product line. I have heard that announcement several times over the last year. This time however, they also announced that they were going to lay people off. Strangely enough, the only layoffs were in Engineering. It seems that MNB took the opportunity to rid himself of two engineers. Apparently, MNB really was deciding who to throw overboard. Oddly enough, I believe that with the exception of the CEO, these two engineers were the longest standing employees of the company.

I will admit that the first candidate for the sharks is a guy best known as The Sleeper. He used to sleep in his cubicle, which would be fine, except that his snoring was very disruptive. The Sarcastic Brit used to call him in order to wake him up. He was glacial at getting things done. He used to take a chair outside for his smoke breaks. He was known for never finishing ANYTHING, let alone being on time. I only worked with him on one project. I was the project manager and he was the design engineer. We got the project done on schedule. I think that it was the first project completed successfully and on schedule at the Mecca. My secret: I treated him like a human being. Apparently, that actually works. I'd better not tell MNB though, as he will likely fire me for heresy.

The other guy was what the Mad Man from Down South called "the old practical guy" (OPG). Turns out that OPG is actually a pretty decent electrical engineer, and the only guy at the Mecca who was proficient at designing circuit boards. He was actually the only practicing electrical engineer. (The Sarcastic Brit has a degree in electrical engineering but won't own up to it, as it's much more fun to change hats each week... mechanical engineer... biochemist... industrial designer...) I'm not totally sure why OPG was sacked, but I suspect that it was because MNB has somebody with the same skill set that he wants to bring in from his former company. Of course, I get the joyous task of cleaning out OPG's cubicle. Pallbearer duty... Lovely. Bring out your dead!

At the meeting, somebody made the mistake of asking how the fund raising was going. Swiper replied that we were able to raise money last year when there was none to be had, so of course we would have no problem raising more capital this year. Apparently, there are lots of interested investors. (But have any of them actually committed money?) All we have to do is stick to the company's deliverables and meet them.

At this point the foolish employee (who happens to be the reagent manufacturing lead) replied that she has seen no such list of goals and would very much love to see them. Wow... she's new at the Mecca, and it shows. I don't know where she worked before, but it sounds like a real company. Can we all go and work for them instead?

What does all of this mean? Here is my best guess:
1) The ship is sinking.
2) Throwing people overboard will lighten the ship and slow its decent into the abyss. The fact that those people would probably be more useful helping to plug the hole is irrelevant.
3) The ship will keep sinking. More bodies will be needed to go over the edge.

The only think I haven't figured out yet is whether it is going to be me or the Sarcastic Brit who goes next. Of course, the Sarcastic Brit has been there longer than me. Maybe it's first in, first out. We shall see.

In the meantime, I think that it's time to start looking a bit harder for that life jacket.

I'm Back... for now

Good Evening. So much to say...

The top items for the week are:

Our security company doesn't know where our office is.
The US Postal Service doesn't know where our address is, but the mail man does, so he's looking out for us. You've gotta love the US postal service.
The fire department knows where we are. Apparently the new security system asked them to bring out the hook and ladder.
MNB: See, I didn't even threaten to fire you today.
MNB: I can't believe that he's [Swiper] run two companies. His expectations are totally unreasonable. You can't run a company on wishes.
MNB: You need to remember the rule of three. For each day vacation you want, you need to give me three business days notice. I need to be able to plan. I only have one Harbinger and one Sarcastic Brit. [I should have responded: And I bet even that's too many.]
You may have also heard that the COO needs her beauty rest.

Now... on with the show.

MNB had to have more consultants come in to tell us that we didn't know what we are doing. He actually hired some good consultants this time, and apparently the worst things they could find were that I was too defensive, and that the Sarcastic Brit was too arrogant.

Needless to say, MNB decided that he needed to take the Sarcastic Brit and I to task for it. I believe his exact words were "If you don't clean up your attitude, I will have to ask you to leave the organization." My response was to ask him why he keeps threatening to fire me, and noting the correlation between his threats and my defensiveness. He was confused. Apparently, asking me to leave the organization is not the same as firing me.

The next day, MNB asked me to come into Swiper's office, and handed me a bunch of shares as a reward for good work in helping to make the first commercial shipments happen. Of course, they have a one year vesting period. Maybe the Mecca will still be around in a year. Maybe MNB won't have made good on his threats. Oh well, I can always use free toilet paper. I do not know if the Sarcastic Brit got the same thing. If he didn't it would have been a crime. (He too appreciates a good -that would be free - roll of TP every now and then.) If he's reading now... I was told not to tell anybody... even my best friend. I don't remember any mention of Sarcastic Brits in there though. Nothing like a reward that's not made public. Makes me feel ashamed for doing a good job.

"Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."

This week, when the Sarcastic Brit had his one on one meeting with MNB, what I like to call "the weekly whipping", MNB told him that he could be "the most evil manager ever." What would possess somebody to say that type of thing to an employee? Can you say harassment? Of course, I was ready for my weekly whipping, which occurs one day later. I was going to point out that the only power he had over me was firing me. I didn't get my chance.

Unfortunately, MNB worked really hard at being civil during my whipping. He asked me if I was having a problem with anybody. I'm not sure what that was supposed to mean. Perhaps I have made some new enemies that I don't know about. If so, it's news to me. He finished the meeting by noting that he didn't even threaten to fire me, and then accused me of giving him a complex. Funny, he keeps threatening to fire me. And HE's the one developing the complex?

Scary how easy it was to find this blog when searching for the "Sleep well Wesley" quote. It came up number 4. Perhaps I should make it unsearchable by Google. I hope that Swiper and MNB are not Princess Bride fans!

The paycheck is not important. Go about your business.

Greetings. I must apologize for not blogging more, but things haven't been quite as utterly stupid lately. I can almost believe that the Mecca is a viable company, and that we will make it. Then, I take stock of things and think that I must be REALLY crazy.

The competent accountant finishes his last day on Monday. He was the guy who did the payroll. That made him the canary in the coal mine. I used to ask him routinely - Are we going to get paid this week? His answer was always, "I'm still here, aren't I? When the money's gone, so am I." Needless to say, I have to question the state of the Mecca's finances. My understanding is that it's not that bad... and they haven't cut my pay recently, so that's a good sign.

What scares me is that the accountant did all of the things that made it worth my while to go to work. He did the payroll, administered the benefits, and made sure that, in general, Swiper and his crew of merry backstabbers didn't treat the employees in a fashion that violated too many labor laws. With the accountant leaving, the Accountant that does the SOX compliance (or not... as the case may be) will be doing payroll. Yikes. He is always out back doing business in Spanish on his cell phone. If you walk in on him when he's holding a private teleconference in the meeting room, he scuttles like a cockroach. When things get really bad, he resorts to using really bad English in order to make you think that he's too dumb to be up to something. Not the kind of guy I want responsible for making sure I get paid, and can therefore pay my own creditors.

The "Director of Finance" is a used car salesman that feels it necessary to shake your hand every time he talks to you. (Let me tell you that grows tiresome really quickly. He drives a gigantic truck with Florida plates (does he commute in to California?). Moreover, he takes up four parking spaces with this monster truck that he supposedly "inherited" from his brother. Ironically, I asked him why he was running Florida plates one day, and the story terminated in his inquiring as to my interest in buying the thing. As I said, he really is a used are salesman.

The HR functions are going to be handled by the "Executive Assistant". This is the replacement for the Horsie Princess. I actually like the Horsie princess much better than this woman. She keeps bragging to the Dragon lady about how she "Married herself a white boy". She is Latino... which I didn't think was that far from "white", but apparently, being a Canuck, I am not cultured in such things. I really don't care about her white husband, or white kids the she brags about. However, it would be really nice if she would answer the phone when she is supposed to be working the switchboard. Too bad she's too busy flirting with all of the senior managers. (That would be men and women.) If you are a VP, she has all the time in the world for you. If you are low level scum, she can't even be bothered to talk to you. My desk is literally one cubicle from the front desk, and yet she will call me two or three times in fifteen minutes to come and get packages when they come in. If they are offending her so much, she could bring them over. Needless to say, I don't see any useful HR functions being filled there.

Then, there is the fact that Flyboy will end up taking on a bunch of the accountant's shipping duties. That would be fine, except MNB keeps threatening to fire him. Of course, I should probably talk to MNB, as Flyboy supposedly reports to me. I should probably feel upset about my boss threatening my employee all the time. Unfortunately, It just makes me feel relieved, it means that MNB can get his threats out of his system before he runs into me.

In short, the guy who does everything useful (at least as far as the things that are important to me... like getting paid) has quit. There has been no real plan to replace him, and everybody who is supposed to be taking up his duties is either lazy, incompetent, or likely to be sacked for no good reason.

It all seems to be running fine, until you take a good look under the hood.

Welcome Back

I have been back from vacation for two days. I haven't quit yet. That is good, I guess. But, it was a close thing.

MNB told me that I had to create unpacking instructions for the instrument, and that they had to be done for a meeting at three o'clock that afternoon. I will admit that I wasn't sure who I was writing the instructions for, as the equipment would be installed by our service engineer, who is actually competent and doesn't need me to tell him how to take the instrument out of the box.

At about noon, MNB came by my desk and told me that if I didn't have the document finished in time for the meeting, he would kick me out of the meeting. Of course none of the other guys had finished their stuff for the meeting, and they knew about it a week ago. I mentioned to MNB that I thought it was a bit unfair that he give me so little notice.

His response was "I sent you an email before you left for vacation. It was in the meeting invite. Check it now."

So, as MNB waited impatiently while I dug up the meeting invitation. I looked at the invite, and noticed that there was only one task on that list, which was order the crates. I told MNB "The only thing on this list for me is to order the crates. They have been here for over a week. No mention of the packing instructions. Do you wish to continue playing this game?"

His response was "No."

The meeting of infamy happened, and sure enough, despite the short notice, I was closer to finished than anybody else. He didn't kick anybody else out of the meeting though. After the meeting, I pointed out that he had scheduled the meeting over our weekly one on one meeting (which is really just a scheduled chance to threaten and insult me). He told me that he had already spent enough time with me today, and he knew what I was working on. No other interaction was necessary.

Thanks. Of course he did finish up by saying "Welcome back. We missed you." Really, he must have meant that he missed having a punching bag around. Either that, or he's getting soft.

We shall see. It's good to be back. Well... not really, now that you mention it.

Sleep Well Wesley

I did the unthinkable yesterday - I stood up to MNB. I told him that veiled threats were not useful, and that if he wanted to fire me, he should probably just do it. I told him that constant tantrums were definitely not the way to get the best out of his engineers, and that he should try a different tactic. We were all in this together after all.

I also made a point of asking him where I fit in the organization. He spent entirely too long thinking before giving me a line of crap which basically meant that he couldn't think of anything meaningful to say.

It's strange. You would think that my level of paranoia would increase, when every interaction with my boss contains thinly veiled threats. After my discussion with him yesterday, I am no longer worried. I know what is going to happen, and strangely enough MNB told me a whole bunch of things that I am sure he didn't realize.

1) He told me that he wasn't afraid to fire people. I take that to mean that he ENJOYS firing people. As I said in a previous post, he would like to deep six the Sarcastic Brit and Myself, but he doesn't figure he can get away with it.

2) He is the only member of his family without a graduate degree. But, he has brothers who have doctorates from Oxford. What that tells me is that he hates people with graduate degrees because his brother probably lords his academic achievements over his head. No wonder he hates the Sarcastic Brit so much. The Sarcastic Brit also has the Oxford pedigree.

3) He only wants people doing what they were "trained to do". Only mechanical engineers can use CAD, only electrical engineers can design circuits. That tells me that he has a hard time picking up new skills and can't believe that people (especially young people) can be good at more than one thing.

4) He is a very good manager. People follow him from when he changes companies. This tells me that he is incapable of hiring new people, probably because he isn't a good enough judge of talent, and he can't inherit a team because he is unable to trust the guys who were there before him and don't owe him their loyalty. In short, he is unable to earn the respect or loyalty of others. He would rather just move his old team. It's easier.

5) He keeps telling me how expendable I am. Oddly enough, I have never said that I am indispensable. I am neither that arrogant nor that stupid. He also told me that he doesn't lose sleep at night over whether I will quit or not. The fact that he keeps telling me that indicates to me that he has some issues over my employment being terminated. I am not sure if it's because he wants to fire me and can't or if he figures that he's screwed if the Sarcastic Brit and I leave.

6) He is a pathetic man, working for a pathetic company. He is a bully who can't lead an engineering team that was functioning fine before he arrived. His boss is a weasel who convinced the EWA that she would be his pawn if she were made COO, so he pulled some strings to make it happen. She then screwed EWA and showed her true allegiance (only to herself). Her boss, in turn, is a fictional character that steals things from little Mexican girls and their friends. Need I say more? (Sorry for recycling that one, but I just enjoy it too much). MNB's behavior has only convinced me that my leaving the Mecca is inevitable. The only thing that worries me is that I won't get the chance to quit before he fires me. Sleep well Wesley. You have done a fine job today. I shall most likely kill you in the morning.

Hard to kill

Greetings!

It has been quite some time since I have written, what with the impossible schedules at work, and the extra effort of trying (in vain) to find a job with a company that doesn't suck. At this point, I would settle for a company not run by a fictional character that steals things from little girls.

It seems that MNB may be finding that several members of his engineering team resemble Steven Seagal - that is they are hard to kill.

First, I would like to relate a discussion between myself and the Fearful COO.

COO: How are you doing.
Harbinger: Still here.
COO: Where else would you be? You NEED to be here!
Harbinger: The only reason why I am here is because there is too damned much snow in the mountains to drive back to Canada.
COO: Why ever would you say such a thing?
Harbinger: Perhaps my boss extolling the virtues of being fired has something to do with it.
COO: What do you mean? Surely you are taking it out of context.
Harbinger: Really? I don't think so.
COO: Tell me exactly what he said.

After I told her, she went white. That's pretty tricky for somebody who isn't Caucasian, but she managed.

Two days later, I was called into MNB's office.
MNB: Do you take everything I say seriously?
Harbinger: Shouldn't I?
MNB: You know I hear what you say. It gets back to me... I have sources.
Harbinger: Oh yeah. (Thinking - only what I want to get back to you).
MNB: Have you ever taken a project management course?
Harbinger: Not a real one.
MNB: You should find a course at UC Berkley or Stanford. The company will pay for it.

I would love to know what was said between the COO and MNB. Alas, I am sure that I never will know.

Next, MNB tried to get rid of the enlightened one. I have since been told that the Enlightened one is now my problem. Seems he too is somewhat hard to get rid of. Apparently, MNB didn't count on the fact that the Enlightened one has known the Fearful COO for over a decade, and that she was the person who brought him in to consult in the first place.

Finally, MNB told the Sarcastic Brit that he was being obstructionist, and that he was either with MNB or against him. And... if the Sarcastic Brit were against him he would be replaced very quickly. That sounds like a threat to me. I would advise the Sarcastic Brit to tell the COO about it, but alas, I wouldn't want MNB to think that he was powerless to fire any of his engineers. That would take all of the joy from his life.

Apparently, he didn't realize just how dysfunctional the Biotech Mecca really is. Maybe they are keeping his old job for him. I doubt it though, as he has already poached three staff members to come work at the Mecca. Replacements for people he isn't allowed to fire?

The first thing we do is fire the contractors

Merry Christmas everybody. Note my use of the actual name of the Christian holiday that is indeed celebrated on December 25. It seems that the word isn't used much anymore, for fear that it may offend. At the Mecca, it seems that not mentioning Christmas is about the only inoffensive thing happening.

I do have some news to report. Both good and bad, I guess.

The good news is: Swiper found some more suckers. We will be in business for a while longer.

The bad news: Swiper found some more suckers, and I will have to put up with MNB for a while longer - until I quit, or he fires me.

Despite a supposed hiring freeze, MNB has taken charge and made many several staffing changes. He left it to the Sarcastic Brit and I to serve notices to the Hyena and Mr. Smarmy. Both are capable, efficient, and easy to work with. Definitely not a good fit for the Mecca. Mr. Smarmy has already left. He seemed relieved to be rid of the insanity. I am actually a bit jealous. The Hyena finishes out his contract at the Mecca on Monday. Of course, his part of the project isn't finished, so somebody else will have to pick it up. No problem. I've always been told it's good engineering practice to lay off one of the key engineers before the project is finished.

Also gone are Princess Amidala, and the Vacuum Cleaner Guy. He was almost MNB (my new boss), but he lost the game of survivor, and was voted off the island. They were both friendly and reasonably capable. Therefore, they must be eliminated.

Flyboy has managed to survive thus far, although he is being severely marginalized. Jar Jar, on the other hand, is on vacation for a month, but will most certainly return to perpetrate more crimes against humanity.

As for the replacements, they are what you would probably expect. The first replacement is The Toad. He comes in to work at 6:00 am, and feels that this makes him a superior example of a human being. I get in to work at about nine (who am I kidding - it's usually closer to ten), and feel that this makes me a person who has some semblance of a life.

Of course, the Toad thinks that MNB is the best guy ever, and has followed him from job to job for over ten years. Perhaps that's loyalty. Perhaps it is because the guy is creepy and has the charisma of a fence post, making him unable to get through a even first job interview. He has been billed as many things by MNB, who takes every opportunity to tell us that the original engineering team is incompetent, obstructionist, lazy, and dumb. The Toad seems to have three hobbies (that he has talked about anyway) - making ammunition, drinking in the pub, and finding ways to cause trouble for his coworkers. He routinely tells me that all of the optics shouldn't work. Apparently, he took a course on mounting optics, and that entitles him to make stupid comments on how the optical system works. It would seem that the fact that optics perform well and have never suffered shipping damage is irrelevant. I have patiently explained to him why the design works, but it isn't written in his textbook, so it must be wrong. Nothing annoys me more than people who are UNWILLING to apply their brains to think about a problem.

I don't have much to say about the second new hire. The guy has worked at the Mecca for about four weeks, and is averaging about one word a week. I tried to engage him in a conversation once. It was a big mistake. I have had conversations with walls that were less one sided. Apparently, I do not rank high enough to even be acknowledged as mud on the bottom of his shoe.

The third new hire starts in January. Nobody has even interviewed this guy, who is supposed to be doing integration between the hardware and biology parts of the system. Why then, have none of the engineers (except for probably the Toad, or the Great Wall) met this guy? Why have none of the Biologists (including Jaba) met this guy? Apparently, he is another hanger on who follows MNB from company to company, like a vulture seeking out a new carcass.

Welcome to the new world order.

Where do they find these guys?

First of all, I want to apologize for not writing much lately. Things have been very busy at the mecca, what with all of the time that MNB has spent telling the Sarcastic Brit and I that we are useless.

Truths about the new world order
1) Engineering work that has been done previously does not count.
MNB: I am redesigning the sample holder to add reference holes
Harbinger: We did a holder like that a while ago, so that we could make a large holder that was injection molded together. We aren't using it, but we learned some things.
MNB: I don't care.
Harbinger: Isn't it foolish to discount the work that the engineering team has done to date.
MNB: I have been designing these things for eight years, and I know what I'm doing.
Harbinger: Here is the one that I designed a year ago.
MNB: But this is way too expensive. Why would you do it like this?
Harbinger: To solve a bunch of problems that no longer exist. But there is information to be learned from it. The machine tolerances won't change, since it was made by the same vendor.
MNB: I don't care. I have dimensioned the drawing differently. That will change the machine tolerances.
Harbinger: No, actually you haven't. This one is referenced to the holes, just like yours. Besides, you can write whatever you want, it doesn't change the way the machine works.
MNB: I know what I am doing. What you did before does not matter.
Harbinger: If you say so. Have a nice day.
MNB: Can I keep this sample?
Harbinger: Be my guest. (Of course you just told me that it is irrelevant, so why do you want it?)

2) You can only be good at one thing.
MNB: Sarcastic Brit, you need to step up to the plate and be a better electrical engineer.
Sarcastic Brit: I'm not an electrical engineer.
MNB: But you have a bachelor's in electrical engineering.
Sarcastic Brit: And a PhD in Biomedical Engineering. I haven't done electrical engineering since I finished my undergrad.
MNB: But you know how to lay out a board.
Sarcastic Brit: In theory yes, but I have never even worked as an electrical engineer.
MNB: So you are a jack of all trades. You don't want to be a jack of all trades.
Sarcastic Brit: Actually, I do.

3) Loyalty is not earned
Hyena: I always tell new bosses this: I am a contractor and I am here until you don't need me any more.
MNB: That's right. Your loyalty is to me, and NOT the Sarcastic Brit. You need to understand that.
Hyena: My contract expires in two weeks. Are you going to renew it or not?
MNB: I don't know yet. Maybe I will know next week. By the way... the Toad told me that you used the wrong kind of bolt on the prototype. You worked at BMW - surely they taught you better than that.

4) The best way to get rid of an engineering team is to hire a toady who spies on your other employees, and then tattles on them for everything you can think of.

I have not quit yet. I must admit that after everything that has gone on thus far, I probably should just do it. Just when I was starting to think that things couldn't get worse.

I wish that Scott Adams would stop spying on me!

I had my weekly one on one with MNB yesterday. It was revealing. I will admit that I haven't been discreet regarding my disgruntlement. The conversation went something like this:

MNB: You seem to be very high strung.
Harbinger: No, I'm just crazy after working in a mad house for two years.
MNB: How many jobs have you held?
Harbinger: It depends on how you count the mergers and acquisitions. Let's call it four or so companies.
MNB: So, you've been around. Have you ever been fired?
Harbinger: No. I have always left by my choice.
MNB: You know it's not so bad. The first time I was fired from a job, I had six months to stay home. I built a deck and had a great time with my kids.
Harbinger: I'm happy for you. (Thinking: PLEASE FIRE ME. JUST GIVE ME A PACKAGE!)
MNB: Any other complaints?
Harbinger: I make less money than I did when I started two years ago, and nobody has any appreciation for anything the engineering team has accomplished despite the horrible management.
MNB: Less money? Haven't you gotten a raise or bonus?
Harbinger: No.
MNB: What about yearly performance reviews?
Harbinger: What's a performance review?
MNB: Oh.

Of course, I sent the following email to EWA today. I'm not sure if he will appreciate it or not, but I figured that at least it be enjoyable to imagine his reaction.


EWA,

I didn't get a chance to say hello last time you were in. It seems like they are keeping you away from the engineers. That's probably a good thing...

Jaba asked me how I felt about Slimy Indian Barbapapa's leaving today. My response was "cheated". Looks like I won't be getting his dog tags... which is sad, as I also hear that he has been trying to get rid of me. Of course, I should probably be more worried about my new boss asking me if I have ever been fired before, and extolling the virtues of getting the axe.

That having been said... do you know anybody who's looking for somebody with my skill set? A quick census of the engineering team reveals that at least six members of the engineering team are talking about seeking new employment, if not actually doing it. So... if you know anybody who needs an entire engineering team, that could probably be accommodated too.

In any case, The Sarcastic Brit mentioned that you would probably stop by once we are in the new facility. I would love it if you dropped by to say hello, unless I'm reveling in the freedom of unemployment. The strange thing is that I am not upset about being fired (I think that I would count it as a favor). It's more the fact that I am outraged that they believe that The Sarcastic Brit and I can be replaced by a manufacturing technician.

Hope you're having a great weekend!

Cheers,

The Harbinger of Doom

Perhaps it was a bit over the top... but what can they do? Fire me?

In other news... Slimy Indian Barbapapa finished his last day at the Mecca today. His supporters went out for lunch with him. They had cake in the afternoon. I was conveniently absent. I showed up after the cake to check on a package that I was supposed to receive today. It hadn't arrived. I ran into the Sarcastic Brit. The conversation went like this:

Sarcastic Brit: What are you doing here? I thought you left on account of your wife's birthday.
Harbinger: Yeah, but I came back to say goodbye to Slimy Indian Barbapapa.
Sarcastic Brit: (raises eyebrow) Really?
Harbinger: Yeah, and to tell him of my hope that there is a special place in hell for lying, backstabbing ba$ta%@s like him.
Sarcastic Brit: I see. Have fun.

In all, it was pretty much a normal day at the Mecca.

EWA: 0 - PT Barnum: 2

I will get back to the Marvelous CTO. Tonight, I want to tell you about the latest addition to the Mecca's illustrious management team.

I remember a conversation with EWA (Evil Wall Street Analyst) quite some time ago, in which he told me that the Mecca was going to hire a new VP of Engineering for the Mecca that was so good "he was going to make me cream". MNB (My New Boss aka the new VP of Engineering) started last week, and let me tell you, my dreams have been anything but wet, unless you count perspiration.

First, MNB told me that we should not be buying our sample holder from a vendor in the far east. It took the Mad Man from Down South (the former VP of engineering) nearly six months to find one vendor that could actually make the things and sell them to us for an acceptable price. Of course MNB knows better and claimed that he had a shop in Silicon Valley that could do it better - and for as cheap. Having already talked to some of my own local vendors about it, I figured that if we were willing to pay about 40 times as much money, we could get them made locally. MNB told me that he knew better. Funny, he refused to show me the samples from his guy. I heard one of the other engineers refer to them as "scrap". No wet dreams yet.

Next, he told us that he would put a stop to the foolishness that is the Mecca's product build projections. No more changing requirements. Of course, we are now ordering parts for two variants of the system, in a yet to be determined quantity somewhere between 2 and 10. No problems. No wet dreams yet.

Then, he told us that we had to comb a 300 part bill of materials and make sure that all of the parts were correct. We had a day. Of course we couldn't let anything else we were doing slip. No wet dreams yet.

Then, he brought in his sidekick for two interviews. I was forced to show him the guts of our stuff. I suspect that he didn't have a non-disclosure agreement. It's ok though, because the guy works for MNB's old company, which is one of our competitors. And, there are no open positions at the Mecca, so even the HR person doesn't know why this guy is being interviewed. No wet dreams yet.

Then, he sent his CSA/UL/CE compliance consultant in to talk to us about getting safety certifications on the instrument. The consultant was actually good. I was impressed. Not creaming, but impressed. The consulant came back for a second look a week later. I was surprised by his speedy return since nothing had changed, and mentioned this to the consultant. The consultant confessed that MNB had asked him to come back to make sure that I understood simple things like the table of vent hole sizes, and to make sure that all of the wires are UL listed. Apparently, MNB thinks that I am either a sabateur, or really stupid. I asked him which it was. He told me that it was all a misunderstanding. Apparently, I misunderstood that he is a billigerent bully who is afraid of half of his engineering team. No wet dreams yet.

Then, he took the Sarcastic Brit out back and beat him for a paying too much for a part that our former boss (Mr. Ineffectual) had approved because we were told that getting the part quickly was more important than getting it cheaply. Apparently he wants to punish people for things that happened before he showed up. No wet dreams yet.

I guess that it doesn't help that I had the guy pegged as a biligerent bully from the moment I met him. Unfortunately my intuition seems to be too correct for comfort. No wet dreams yet.

The Fearful COO told us that he has experience "cleaning up" engineering teams with problems. Apparently, they have told MNB that the engineering team is problematic. I asked her if he cleaned up these teams by firing everybody. She informed me that she had looked into this, and he had not fired anybody. I am beginning to understand now. He didn't have to fire them. At the rate he's going, at least half of the engineering team will be gone before the end of January. I think that EWA has been suckered again. Point for PT.

EWA: 0
PT Barnum: 2