Merry Christmas everybody. Note my use of the actual name of the Christian holiday that is indeed celebrated on December 25. It seems that the word isn't used much anymore, for fear that it may offend. At the Mecca, it seems that not mentioning Christmas is about the only inoffensive thing happening.
I do have some news to report. Both good and bad, I guess.
The good news is: Swiper found some more suckers. We will be in business for a while longer.
The bad news: Swiper found some more suckers, and I will have to put up with MNB for a while longer - until I quit, or he fires me.
Despite a supposed hiring freeze, MNB has taken charge and made many several staffing changes. He left it to the Sarcastic Brit and I to serve notices to the Hyena and Mr. Smarmy. Both are capable, efficient, and easy to work with. Definitely not a good fit for the Mecca. Mr. Smarmy has already left. He seemed relieved to be rid of the insanity. I am actually a bit jealous. The Hyena finishes out his contract at the Mecca on Monday. Of course, his part of the project isn't finished, so somebody else will have to pick it up. No problem. I've always been told it's good engineering practice to lay off one of the key engineers before the project is finished.
Also gone are Princess Amidala, and the Vacuum Cleaner Guy. He was almost MNB (my new boss), but he lost the game of survivor, and was voted off the island. They were both friendly and reasonably capable. Therefore, they must be eliminated.
Flyboy has managed to survive thus far, although he is being severely marginalized. Jar Jar, on the other hand, is on vacation for a month, but will most certainly return to perpetrate more crimes against humanity.
As for the replacements, they are what you would probably expect. The first replacement is The Toad. He comes in to work at 6:00 am, and feels that this makes him a superior example of a human being. I get in to work at about nine (who am I kidding - it's usually closer to ten), and feel that this makes me a person who has some semblance of a life.
Of course, the Toad thinks that MNB is the best guy ever, and has followed him from job to job for over ten years. Perhaps that's loyalty. Perhaps it is because the guy is creepy and has the charisma of a fence post, making him unable to get through a even first job interview. He has been billed as many things by MNB, who takes every opportunity to tell us that the original engineering team is incompetent, obstructionist, lazy, and dumb. The Toad seems to have three hobbies (that he has talked about anyway) - making ammunition, drinking in the pub, and finding ways to cause trouble for his coworkers. He routinely tells me that all of the optics shouldn't work. Apparently, he took a course on mounting optics, and that entitles him to make stupid comments on how the optical system works. It would seem that the fact that optics perform well and have never suffered shipping damage is irrelevant. I have patiently explained to him why the design works, but it isn't written in his textbook, so it must be wrong. Nothing annoys me more than people who are UNWILLING to apply their brains to think about a problem.
I don't have much to say about the second new hire. The guy has worked at the Mecca for about four weeks, and is averaging about one word a week. I tried to engage him in a conversation once. It was a big mistake. I have had conversations with walls that were less one sided. Apparently, I do not rank high enough to even be acknowledged as mud on the bottom of his shoe.
The third new hire starts in January. Nobody has even interviewed this guy, who is supposed to be doing integration between the hardware and biology parts of the system. Why then, have none of the engineers (except for probably the Toad, or the Great Wall) met this guy? Why have none of the Biologists (including Jaba) met this guy? Apparently, he is another hanger on who follows MNB from company to company, like a vulture seeking out a new carcass.
Welcome to the new world order.
Showing posts with label Jar Jar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jar Jar. Show all posts
Friday, December 25, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
OSHA 11
I took a tour of the lab with the Sarcastic Brit the other day. It was scary.
Jar Jar has been using the ionizing air gun that the Sarcastic Brit "sent him to the Home Depot" for. Although the gun was rated for 40 PSI, it wasn't blowing hard enough, so Jar Jar took it upon himself to connect the gun to a nitrogen cylinder at 150PSI. Don't worry about the crazing in the plastic canister that holds the filter. It's alright. Really.
The Sarcastic Brit sent an email out to the company advising that people should read the safety precautions on things and not do dumb stuff like connecting the ionizer at 3+ times the rated pressure.
The response was classic Biotech Mecca. Our boss (Mr. Ineffectual) took the Sarcastic Brit into his office and chewed him out for broadcasting such a stupid thing as a health and safety issue to the entire company.
Hence, our lab walk through. Let us start at the back door. Less than four feet from the door (in the traffic pattern), resting on a plastic garbage can (with a lid that isn't flat) are two gallon bottles of a concentrated mixture of phosphoric, nitric and acetic acid. Not to worry, it's on a level surface... or not. It's out of the way... or not. It's safe... or not.
Next, we will move on to the four additional gallons sitting in the crate in the middle of the floor. Then, there are the (still) uncorked carboys containing the concentrated nitric acid/hexane mixture. Of course all of this stuff is within five feet of the door, and very much in the traffic pattern. It's alright, we only have to dodge landmines of concentrated acid to get to work. No problem. Perhaps somebody should reintroduce Jar Jar to the acid cabinet.
Next, there is the sink. This particular sink is a laundry tub (of the cheap Walmart variety.) It is not plumbed in, as the landlord doesn't want his tenants to actually use the building. But... we really need a sink there. No problem. We will just place this five gallon pail (open of course) under the sink to catch the waste. And guess what - two more gallon bottles of concentrated acid are sitting in the sink.
Now, we haven't even got to the heinous stuff yet. Remember that Email? Either Jar Jar or Princes Amidala decided to provide a bit of insurance against the ionizing air gun blowing up, so they carved a couple of holes in a plastic tool box to create secondary blast mitigation. I wonder what the blast rating is on a $5 plastic tool box.
Closer inspection revealed something even more interesting. Apparently, Jar Jar ran out of nitrogen. No problem, the plasma asher is right there, and it has a gas bottle. All gas bottles are the same, right? The regulator doesn't fit. That's ok, we will just swap over the gun to the new regulator. The bottles are both green. They are the same thing right?
What do you get when you run oxygen through an ionizer. Only ozone. Carry on. Nothing to see here. We're just filling the lab up with ozone. It's ok to breath. No strong oxidizers here.
We reported the issues to Mr. Ineffectual (who is supposedly Princess Amidala's boss, who is now supposedly Jar Jar's boss). He said that he will look into it.
I suggested that the Sarcastic Brit's next health and safety email be sent to a different organization. Perhaps OSHA.
It's strange. EWA once referred to Jar Jar as "a douche bag with the cranial capacity of a walnut." Everybody thought that he was out of line. There were several complaints. My only complaint was that he wasn't harsh enough. Eventially Princess Amidala and Mr. Ineffectual will be unable to defend him. My only fear is what the event will be. Will burning down the building and killing the majority of the Mecca's employees be sufficient. Probably not -Swiper probably wouldn't notice if the company were gone anyway.
Jar Jar has been using the ionizing air gun that the Sarcastic Brit "sent him to the Home Depot" for. Although the gun was rated for 40 PSI, it wasn't blowing hard enough, so Jar Jar took it upon himself to connect the gun to a nitrogen cylinder at 150PSI. Don't worry about the crazing in the plastic canister that holds the filter. It's alright. Really.
The Sarcastic Brit sent an email out to the company advising that people should read the safety precautions on things and not do dumb stuff like connecting the ionizer at 3+ times the rated pressure.
The response was classic Biotech Mecca. Our boss (Mr. Ineffectual) took the Sarcastic Brit into his office and chewed him out for broadcasting such a stupid thing as a health and safety issue to the entire company.
Hence, our lab walk through. Let us start at the back door. Less than four feet from the door (in the traffic pattern), resting on a plastic garbage can (with a lid that isn't flat) are two gallon bottles of a concentrated mixture of phosphoric, nitric and acetic acid. Not to worry, it's on a level surface... or not. It's out of the way... or not. It's safe... or not.
Next, we will move on to the four additional gallons sitting in the crate in the middle of the floor. Then, there are the (still) uncorked carboys containing the concentrated nitric acid/hexane mixture. Of course all of this stuff is within five feet of the door, and very much in the traffic pattern. It's alright, we only have to dodge landmines of concentrated acid to get to work. No problem. Perhaps somebody should reintroduce Jar Jar to the acid cabinet.
Next, there is the sink. This particular sink is a laundry tub (of the cheap Walmart variety.) It is not plumbed in, as the landlord doesn't want his tenants to actually use the building. But... we really need a sink there. No problem. We will just place this five gallon pail (open of course) under the sink to catch the waste. And guess what - two more gallon bottles of concentrated acid are sitting in the sink.
Now, we haven't even got to the heinous stuff yet. Remember that Email? Either Jar Jar or Princes Amidala decided to provide a bit of insurance against the ionizing air gun blowing up, so they carved a couple of holes in a plastic tool box to create secondary blast mitigation. I wonder what the blast rating is on a $5 plastic tool box.
Closer inspection revealed something even more interesting. Apparently, Jar Jar ran out of nitrogen. No problem, the plasma asher is right there, and it has a gas bottle. All gas bottles are the same, right? The regulator doesn't fit. That's ok, we will just swap over the gun to the new regulator. The bottles are both green. They are the same thing right?
What do you get when you run oxygen through an ionizer. Only ozone. Carry on. Nothing to see here. We're just filling the lab up with ozone. It's ok to breath. No strong oxidizers here.
We reported the issues to Mr. Ineffectual (who is supposedly Princess Amidala's boss, who is now supposedly Jar Jar's boss). He said that he will look into it.
I suggested that the Sarcastic Brit's next health and safety email be sent to a different organization. Perhaps OSHA.
It's strange. EWA once referred to Jar Jar as "a douche bag with the cranial capacity of a walnut." Everybody thought that he was out of line. There were several complaints. My only complaint was that he wasn't harsh enough. Eventially Princess Amidala and Mr. Ineffectual will be unable to defend him. My only fear is what the event will be. Will burning down the building and killing the majority of the Mecca's employees be sufficient. Probably not -Swiper probably wouldn't notice if the company were gone anyway.
Monday, September 28, 2009
The EPA loves you
I think that I have mentioned that Jar Jar originally worked for me. He is however about as useful as ice skates in Arizona, and about as bright as a grub, so I basically told my boss that I wasn't going to bother with him. He was hired a new boss - the sample holder processing consultant. Much like Princess Amidala, she is constantly sticking up for Jar Jar.
Princess Amidala came to me today, and the following exchange took place:
PA: When you were doing the chip processing, how did you get rid of stuff.
Me: Don't tell the EPA, or we will probably all go to jail. The former head of biology told me to set the hexane in a beaker and let it evaporate. The phosphoric acid went down the drain with copious amounts of water, and I saved the chromate, as I don't want to go to jail for dumping it.
PA: You dumped the acid down the drain?
Me: Yep. It was only a few ounces, and phosphoric acid neutralizes to phosphate. It makes the plants grow. As for the chromate, the bottle disappeared. I guess that somebody thought it was OK to dump it.
PA: NO... so you didn't call the waste disposal guys?
Me: No, I was saving it up until we had enough to bother.
PA: Oh. Well it seems that Jar Jar has dumped about two gallons of hexane with about two gallons of concentrated acid.
Me: [loudly groans]
PA: It hasn't exploded yet.
Me: [More groans.] Yet?
Sarcastic Brit: I hear Harbinger making bad sounds. What's up?
Me: Seems that Jar Jar has been mixing the hexane and the acid.
Sarcastic Brit: OK then. That about sums it up. I guess that he didn't figure out that I bought two containers: One for acid and one for solvents.
Me: Apparently not.
PA: It seems that he has been wiping the tables down with hexane as well.
Me: Really? Hasn't anybody told him that hexane fumes are bad.
PA: He's an engineer. Engineers don't know anything about chemicals.
Me: Really? What do chemical engineers do? Besides, he's not an engineer. [Thinking - He's a dust bunny.]
PA: I guess that we will have to call the waste disposal guys to get the acid.
Me: Are you going to tell them about the hexane? You could forget to mention it, but that might make them a bit angry.
PA: I guess that I had better tell them about the hexane.
Princess Amidala came to me today, and the following exchange took place:
PA: When you were doing the chip processing, how did you get rid of stuff.
Me: Don't tell the EPA, or we will probably all go to jail. The former head of biology told me to set the hexane in a beaker and let it evaporate. The phosphoric acid went down the drain with copious amounts of water, and I saved the chromate, as I don't want to go to jail for dumping it.
PA: You dumped the acid down the drain?
Me: Yep. It was only a few ounces, and phosphoric acid neutralizes to phosphate. It makes the plants grow. As for the chromate, the bottle disappeared. I guess that somebody thought it was OK to dump it.
PA: NO... so you didn't call the waste disposal guys?
Me: No, I was saving it up until we had enough to bother.
PA: Oh. Well it seems that Jar Jar has dumped about two gallons of hexane with about two gallons of concentrated acid.
Me: [loudly groans]
PA: It hasn't exploded yet.
Me: [More groans.] Yet?
Sarcastic Brit: I hear Harbinger making bad sounds. What's up?
Me: Seems that Jar Jar has been mixing the hexane and the acid.
Sarcastic Brit: OK then. That about sums it up. I guess that he didn't figure out that I bought two containers: One for acid and one for solvents.
Me: Apparently not.
PA: It seems that he has been wiping the tables down with hexane as well.
Me: Really? Hasn't anybody told him that hexane fumes are bad.
PA: He's an engineer. Engineers don't know anything about chemicals.
Me: Really? What do chemical engineers do? Besides, he's not an engineer. [Thinking - He's a dust bunny.]
PA: I guess that we will have to call the waste disposal guys to get the acid.
Me: Are you going to tell them about the hexane? You could forget to mention it, but that might make them a bit angry.
PA: I guess that I had better tell them about the hexane.
Friday, September 11, 2009
It's impossible to find that part
Despite my protestations, people tend to come to me when they have a problem. Apparently, the Sarcastic Brit has reduced too many people to tears over being stupid. The other day, Jar Jar came to me with his world of trouble.
1) The stage controller on the microscope wasn't working right. Apparently, he noticed it two weeks earlier, but couldn't be bothered to do anything about it.
2) The seal on the vacuum oven was worn out.
It seems that even with two weeks to think about it, Jar Jar couldn't come up with the idea to call the manufacturer, give them the information about the unit and ask them for an RMA. Instead, he sat on it for two weeks and then asked me to do something about it. I guess that it took him two weeks to get up the ambition to decide to be lazy. Perhaps he doesn't know how to use the telephone. Maybe he's scared of the telephone, and had some sort of horrible experience with telephones in his youth. I don't know. What I do know is that I was the person who ended up getting the RMA and telling Jar Jar how to pack the unit up for shipment back to the manufacturer. I didn't inspect the packing job or verify the address. I wonder if we will ever see our microscope again. At least I know that we got an RMA from the right company, and if they ever get it, they will know why we sent it to them.
The vacuum oven was more difficult. It came out of a catalog, which means that they must have made tens of thousands of them. How hard could it be to find a seal? I told Jar Jar to check with the catalog company and see if they had them. I also suggested that he copy down the model and serial number information off of the oven in order to have it for reference when talking to the catalog company.
Several days later Jar Jar came back to interrupt the cluttered peacefulness of my cubicle with his thick Indian accent. "You know the vacuum oven seal? It's very hard to find, you know. I checked on the catalog company's web page, you know, and they didn't have them, you know. I also found the manufacturer and they didn't have them either, you know."
Really? I guess that this was going to be difficult. I told Jar Jar that I would take care of it, and proceeded back to the lab to get the info off of the equipment myself. On the side of the oven, I found a plate that had the model, serial number, catalog company name, manufacturer's name, and a number to call for warranty or service. Strange, I must be imagining things. I copied down the info and started back to my desk. On the way, I ran into Jar Jar. It couldn't hurt to ask, so I asked him if he had talked to anybody on the phone. "You know, I just checked the web page, you know. I didn't know who to call, you know."
I asked him, "Did you call the number printed on the side of the oven, beneath the model and serial number?" He had not, but at least he had the grace to offer to. I told him not to bother.
Within five minutes, I had called the manufacturer, gotten the part number, and had been informed that we would save 10% if we ordered off of their web page. Cool. But I thought that the manufacturer's web page didn't have anything. This was an impossible part to find.
It just goes to show that you can screw up even the most simple tasks if you try hard enough: At least if you are Jar Jar.
1) The stage controller on the microscope wasn't working right. Apparently, he noticed it two weeks earlier, but couldn't be bothered to do anything about it.
2) The seal on the vacuum oven was worn out.
It seems that even with two weeks to think about it, Jar Jar couldn't come up with the idea to call the manufacturer, give them the information about the unit and ask them for an RMA. Instead, he sat on it for two weeks and then asked me to do something about it. I guess that it took him two weeks to get up the ambition to decide to be lazy. Perhaps he doesn't know how to use the telephone. Maybe he's scared of the telephone, and had some sort of horrible experience with telephones in his youth. I don't know. What I do know is that I was the person who ended up getting the RMA and telling Jar Jar how to pack the unit up for shipment back to the manufacturer. I didn't inspect the packing job or verify the address. I wonder if we will ever see our microscope again. At least I know that we got an RMA from the right company, and if they ever get it, they will know why we sent it to them.
The vacuum oven was more difficult. It came out of a catalog, which means that they must have made tens of thousands of them. How hard could it be to find a seal? I told Jar Jar to check with the catalog company and see if they had them. I also suggested that he copy down the model and serial number information off of the oven in order to have it for reference when talking to the catalog company.
Several days later Jar Jar came back to interrupt the cluttered peacefulness of my cubicle with his thick Indian accent. "You know the vacuum oven seal? It's very hard to find, you know. I checked on the catalog company's web page, you know, and they didn't have them, you know. I also found the manufacturer and they didn't have them either, you know."
Really? I guess that this was going to be difficult. I told Jar Jar that I would take care of it, and proceeded back to the lab to get the info off of the equipment myself. On the side of the oven, I found a plate that had the model, serial number, catalog company name, manufacturer's name, and a number to call for warranty or service. Strange, I must be imagining things. I copied down the info and started back to my desk. On the way, I ran into Jar Jar. It couldn't hurt to ask, so I asked him if he had talked to anybody on the phone. "You know, I just checked the web page, you know. I didn't know who to call, you know."
I asked him, "Did you call the number printed on the side of the oven, beneath the model and serial number?" He had not, but at least he had the grace to offer to. I told him not to bother.
Within five minutes, I had called the manufacturer, gotten the part number, and had been informed that we would save 10% if we ordered off of their web page. Cool. But I thought that the manufacturer's web page didn't have anything. This was an impossible part to find.
It just goes to show that you can screw up even the most simple tasks if you try hard enough: At least if you are Jar Jar.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Jar Jar
We have this technician who claims to be an engineer. He has been given many tasks over his last year of employment, and has pretty much managed to screw up every one of them.
He showed up at our doorstep begging for a job. My boss at the time - the former VP of engineering who was sacked for being honest and competent (also known as the Mad Man from down South) was sucked in and decided that the guy was so eager that we couldn't go wrong. After all, he said that he was willing to do anything. Really? People are not always so eager once they are in the door.
We originally gave him a task doing some chemical etching. I was very happy to have somebody else do this because our lovely facility is not really equipped to deal with acid vapor, and it's better to have anybody do it but me. Unfortunately, he seems unable to follow a protocol. Of course, it didn't help that he lost the protocol and rather than asking for somebody to find it for him on the server, he just wrote a new one. After all... he's an engineer.
Then, we needed a vacuum pump rebuilt. He claimed to know how to do this, and had done it many times. Of course, when we gave him the kit and the simple task of matching the parts to the kit content list he couldn't figure out which part was which.
So, we decided to make things easier and asked him to arrange the bolts and nuts. Once he was finished, they were in no discernible order. He claimed to have a system, but the Sarcastic Brit - with the Oxford PhD- was too dumb to figure it out. The Sarcastic Brit asked Jar Jar to find an M3 by 10mm socket head cap screw. This required looking in every bin. Needless to say, Jar Jar was asked to come up with a slightly less random scheme. After attempt number three, the engineers just decided to cope with the fact that the M3 washers and M3 nuts live in the same bin, which is conveniently located between the M6 by 10 mm bolts and the M6 by 14 mm bolts, and nowhere near the M3 bolts that supposedly mate with the M3 washers and nuts.
Next, we asked him to clean up the lab and put things away. His first solution was to go to my boss. (supposedly Jar Jar reports to me, although I will deny it when asked... after all, I'm not allowed to fire him!) He managed to get engineering work to do. After all, he is an engineer. Of course, the task that he was given was so useless and pointless that I will only discuss it once I have run out of more interesting material. (Wait for the post in which I discuss the dark box).
The next attempt to have Jar Jar clean up the lab resulted in him opening the drawers and randomly pitching items into them. We still haven't found all of the bits. Of course, he still hasn't mastered basic matching, so like things were not even stuffed into the same drawers. Yikes!
Next, our lovely accounts payable / buyer (a cross between Tony Soprano and Rambo), the Dragon lady, asked Jar Jar to break down some boxes. He declined. Apparently, it's not his job. It seems that "I will do anything" does not include things that could be construed to be useful. Funny, but when she asks me to take the boxes out, I ask if there is anything else I can do in addition to that.
Next, we handed him to Buffalo Bill, who is our mechanical designer. Buffalo Bill does not play as fast an loose with instruction as the Sarcastic Brit or I do, so we figured that maybe he could get something useful out of him. The task was simple: Here is a stack of drawings - all you have to do is make sure that all of the parts in the drawings show up in the spreadsheet. If all goes well, Buffalo Bill figured that he could get Jar Jar to look at the parts we had in back and count them. After wasting two weeks on this little endeavor, Buffalo Bill was forced to admit that it was a waste of time, and that Jar Jar just wasn't up to the task. Of course, I took a lot of heat for the two week project slip from that one. Apparently, it is sometimes better to have no help than bad help.
Finally the Sarcastic Brit and I decided that we could only use Jar Jar as an errand boy. He owns a van and may have a valid drivers license. (I haven't asked and don't really want to know.) So today I hear the Dragon Lady call back to the cubicle area that Jar Jar is on the phone and needs to talk to the Sarcastic Brit. I was immediately interested when I heard the Sarcastic Brit exclaim "And why, Jar Jar, are you at the Home Depot?"
Unable to contain my curiosity, I had to ask. Apparently, he sent Jar Jar out to pick up an item from a place a couple of miles down the street. Jar Jar was armed with a company name and street address, as well as the helpful tip that the company was close to the Home Depot. His response was that he knew the area very well. So well in fact, that he forgot about the address and went directly to the Home Depot. Imagine his surprise when the poor clerk at the hardware store didn't know anything about an open purchase order, the Sarcastic Brit who had placed the order, the Biotech Mecca, or even what an ionizing dust-off gun was.
Well, at least he made it back in one piece. Of course, then the Sarcastic Brit was faced with the task of explaining its purpose and operation to Jar Jar, who will be it's primary user. Ok, you plug this in to the wall. This end goes to the air line. Here is where the air comes out. Yes, you may need some extra fittings. No... this is where you connect it to the air line. No, it's ok, you can do it tomorrow - when I am on a plane bound for Hong Kong.
Needless to say, I too will be out tomorrow. Coincidence - I think not.
Video says it all Pardon the ads.
He showed up at our doorstep begging for a job. My boss at the time - the former VP of engineering who was sacked for being honest and competent (also known as the Mad Man from down South) was sucked in and decided that the guy was so eager that we couldn't go wrong. After all, he said that he was willing to do anything. Really? People are not always so eager once they are in the door.
We originally gave him a task doing some chemical etching. I was very happy to have somebody else do this because our lovely facility is not really equipped to deal with acid vapor, and it's better to have anybody do it but me. Unfortunately, he seems unable to follow a protocol. Of course, it didn't help that he lost the protocol and rather than asking for somebody to find it for him on the server, he just wrote a new one. After all... he's an engineer.
Then, we needed a vacuum pump rebuilt. He claimed to know how to do this, and had done it many times. Of course, when we gave him the kit and the simple task of matching the parts to the kit content list he couldn't figure out which part was which.
So, we decided to make things easier and asked him to arrange the bolts and nuts. Once he was finished, they were in no discernible order. He claimed to have a system, but the Sarcastic Brit - with the Oxford PhD- was too dumb to figure it out. The Sarcastic Brit asked Jar Jar to find an M3 by 10mm socket head cap screw. This required looking in every bin. Needless to say, Jar Jar was asked to come up with a slightly less random scheme. After attempt number three, the engineers just decided to cope with the fact that the M3 washers and M3 nuts live in the same bin, which is conveniently located between the M6 by 10 mm bolts and the M6 by 14 mm bolts, and nowhere near the M3 bolts that supposedly mate with the M3 washers and nuts.
Next, we asked him to clean up the lab and put things away. His first solution was to go to my boss. (supposedly Jar Jar reports to me, although I will deny it when asked... after all, I'm not allowed to fire him!) He managed to get engineering work to do. After all, he is an engineer. Of course, the task that he was given was so useless and pointless that I will only discuss it once I have run out of more interesting material. (Wait for the post in which I discuss the dark box).
The next attempt to have Jar Jar clean up the lab resulted in him opening the drawers and randomly pitching items into them. We still haven't found all of the bits. Of course, he still hasn't mastered basic matching, so like things were not even stuffed into the same drawers. Yikes!
Next, our lovely accounts payable / buyer (a cross between Tony Soprano and Rambo), the Dragon lady, asked Jar Jar to break down some boxes. He declined. Apparently, it's not his job. It seems that "I will do anything" does not include things that could be construed to be useful. Funny, but when she asks me to take the boxes out, I ask if there is anything else I can do in addition to that.
Next, we handed him to Buffalo Bill, who is our mechanical designer. Buffalo Bill does not play as fast an loose with instruction as the Sarcastic Brit or I do, so we figured that maybe he could get something useful out of him. The task was simple: Here is a stack of drawings - all you have to do is make sure that all of the parts in the drawings show up in the spreadsheet. If all goes well, Buffalo Bill figured that he could get Jar Jar to look at the parts we had in back and count them. After wasting two weeks on this little endeavor, Buffalo Bill was forced to admit that it was a waste of time, and that Jar Jar just wasn't up to the task. Of course, I took a lot of heat for the two week project slip from that one. Apparently, it is sometimes better to have no help than bad help.
Finally the Sarcastic Brit and I decided that we could only use Jar Jar as an errand boy. He owns a van and may have a valid drivers license. (I haven't asked and don't really want to know.) So today I hear the Dragon Lady call back to the cubicle area that Jar Jar is on the phone and needs to talk to the Sarcastic Brit. I was immediately interested when I heard the Sarcastic Brit exclaim "And why, Jar Jar, are you at the Home Depot?"
Unable to contain my curiosity, I had to ask. Apparently, he sent Jar Jar out to pick up an item from a place a couple of miles down the street. Jar Jar was armed with a company name and street address, as well as the helpful tip that the company was close to the Home Depot. His response was that he knew the area very well. So well in fact, that he forgot about the address and went directly to the Home Depot. Imagine his surprise when the poor clerk at the hardware store didn't know anything about an open purchase order, the Sarcastic Brit who had placed the order, the Biotech Mecca, or even what an ionizing dust-off gun was.
Well, at least he made it back in one piece. Of course, then the Sarcastic Brit was faced with the task of explaining its purpose and operation to Jar Jar, who will be it's primary user. Ok, you plug this in to the wall. This end goes to the air line. Here is where the air comes out. Yes, you may need some extra fittings. No... this is where you connect it to the air line. No, it's ok, you can do it tomorrow - when I am on a plane bound for Hong Kong.
Needless to say, I too will be out tomorrow. Coincidence - I think not.
Video says it all Pardon the ads.
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